Facing My Fears + Being a Feminist

I did it.  I faced my fears yesterday.  I went running by myself, outside, beyond the borders of my little neighborhood.

If you aren't familiar as to why this is such a big deal, this summer I was on a solo run and a very scary guy (totally stereotypical stalker/napper type) in a truck decided to try to pick me up and totally creep me out on so many levels.  I had to run for my life while yelling for help, call the cops and hide in another strangers car to get a ride home.  It all happened in broad daylight, on a road that I thought was pretty populated and safe.  It is a gravel road, but has quite a few houses on it and I had run on it lots of times before with TJ and the kids.

The super frustrating part about that run was that it was the very first time I had decided to go out and run by myself, without TJ or another partner.  I remember feeling empowered as I started out that day, realizing that in that moment I had truly become a runner.  Not a runners sidekick.  And then Creepy Stalker Guy shows up at mile 3 and TOTALLY deflates all of my self esteem. And worse, totally pissed me off.

There's no way to even count the number of times now that I have had to sit out of a run for a day because there was just no way TJ and I were going to be able to get out together.  Instead, he goes out, and I stay back sitting on the couch with the kids.  I also can't count the laps I've done around my neighborhood.  If any of my neighbors are as nosey as I am, looking out their window all the time, then I'm sure they eye roll when they see me pass by for the third time in 30 minutes.  I eye roll at the thought of it.  I'm BORED!  I want to get out there, run on a new street, be alone.  But I've been terrified.  If that happened on my first run by myself, what else is out there waiting for me?

So yesterday, I was over it. I was tired of being scared, of being angry.  So I told TJ I'm going. I'm going down that road again. Alone. At first I was going to at least take the dog, but he is a 2 month old puppy stuck in a full sized lab.  He didn't make the cut.  So before I changed my mind, I grabbed the pepper spray and my cell phone and ran out the door.

It felt so. freaking. good.  Until mile 3 again.  No Creepy Stalker Guy, just Stupid Farm Dog Looking To Snack On My Heal.  At just about the same spot this dog came running after me.  I grabbed my pepper spray and he kept playing with me, like he was enjoying all this. I sprayed it towards him but he bounced out of the way.  That made me more mad and a little nervous. Every time I would turn around to keep going, he would sneak up on my heals!  He eventually realized who the Alpha was and ran off, but this left me in a state of pure pissedness.

It made me feel weak, helpless, dumb.  Like I couldn't even come back and tell anyone that I had decided to go for a run again on that road without getting the "Well, you should've known better!" look, speech, FB message, whatever it would be.  That everyone would just tell me that it's too dangerous out there for us girls, and just stick to your treadmill.

I'm angry.  I'm angry at centuries of women having to live in fear because they have been told that they are weak, vulnerable, and fragile.  I'm angry that I'm angry that this will never happen to my husband.  I can do barefoot and pregnant, but I want to run outside on a freaking road, and not fear for my life, and not have other people telling me I'm stupid for wanting to.  It shouldn't be a big deal! Ah!

Being a feminist is not what I would usually call myself.  I do recognize the differences in myself allowing me to, in many beautiful ways, need my husband to make up for my female weaknesses.  But on the inside, I am strong, and I feel the world is constantly trying to take that away from me.  So where do I go with all this now?  Well, chill out a little for starters.  Drink a glass of wine, read a good book about women punching Creepy Stalker Guys in the no-nos and birthing multiple children with no drugs while baking cookies.

And  then I'm just going to continue to fight the world and try to be person God has created me to be.  A Woman. Strong. Confident. Aware.  And I will run down that road again.  But I might wear steel-toed shoes, so watch out.

Remembering When...

This week has ended up being quite an emotional one for me.  I've done a lot of looking back and recalling some bittersweet memories.  This week marks two very different life changing events for me and for our family.



Baby Kyrsta Grace born 11/14/06



4 years ago this week, I became a mother for the very first time.  My world of population TJ and Jamie seemed to turn into population Kyrsta (sounds like kEEr-sta) the very instant she entered it.  I. Loved. Her.  And for two years, she was what we lived for.  She was beautiful, and CRAZY intense, and my everything.



I was doing some deep cleaning in a closet this week and stumbled across a framed picture of Kyrsta's ultrasound picture.  I remember looking at that picture while still pregnant with her, dreaming of what she would be like, and what our life would be like once she arrived.  I wondered if she would love being our oldest child, our guinea pig full of mixed signals and untamed love.  I can tell you today, she loves everything we give her.  She loves being loved (her daddy is her favorite).  And we love to love her, still full of mixed signals and crazy untamed love. And she loves NOT being the oldest.

 2 years ago this week, we had two more beautiful babies (6 and 8 year old babies) move in to our home, and start their journey as being our children.  That was such an emotional time.  We couldn't promise them forever yet, and they were confused and losing so much of their past lives.  It makes me want to cry for them when I try to imagine the things that they must have been thinking and feeling that first week they moved into our home.  I'm tearing up now.  I worried that they would be angry with me forever for wanting them, for taking them away from everything they had been finally getting used to in their foster home; and for wanting to adopt them.  And in the beginning, I think they were.  That was hard. Poor babies.  MY poor babies. 

And now we have today.  I celebrate becoming a mother.  I celebrate the life of my Kyrsta Grace. I celebrate the coming of two hurting children into their forever home.  And I mourn the loses of my childrens' past and the things that should have been that never were.

~Lord, I give my children into your hands.  Keep them safe from harm and protect their hearts from this world that will for sure try to hurt them.  Heal the hurts that are already there that I can not take away.  You are the one whom life is worth living for.  I pray they grow to know that.  That you open their hearts, as you did ours, to a life that more then likely will not look they way they think it will, or will want it to.  But in all things, give them great love.  May they say yes to love, always yes.  And may we, as their parents, lead by example. Amen.

Our Halloween Front Yard Carnival Recap:

Last Halloween my friends and I came up with an idea.  We wanted to do something in our neighborhood that was fun, and that would help us get to know our neighbors a little better. We decided to do a front yard carnival and out of all of our neighborhoods, we decided that mine was probably going to have the most trick-or-treaters.  So we put up a little board and used it as a "fishing" for candy booth, did some face painting and handed out hot cocoa and coffee.  Even though it wasn't alot, people were still thrilled and excited to have something different and engaging.  And I actually met a lot of my neighbors that night, with whom I am now friends with, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  Yes, I like making friends with my neighbors. Sorry if you think that's wierd.

And some of my neighbors do think that is wierd.  I could tell that some people thought we were freaks who probably spiked the hot cocoa with Mary Jane, but for the most part people were thrilled to warm up with a nice hot drink while their kids filled their bags with candy at our fishing booth.

This year we decided to do the carnival again.  And we had some of the same.  A few parents wouldn't come past the sidewalk and hurried their excited kids through.  But lots of people remembered us from last year and were excited to see us bigger and better then we were the year before.

This time I put up a sign (yes, I vinyled it) on the main road a few days before to let people know about our carnival.  And then we made a super cool, HUGE fishing booth board (yes, I vinyled that too).  Then we had an apple bobbing station, face painting, blongo ball,  and coffee and apple cider (saved us TONS of time mixing up cocoa, and was still super yum-O), and TONS of our friends to help play games and pass stuff out.

There were over 30 of us hanging out at our house that night.  We polished off two giant crockpots full of chili while we waited for people to join our fun.  We were our own party, which was pretty awesome.

Not a single trick-or-treater showed up til after 6 and we were ready to go by 4!  So while we waited we had plenty of time for pictures.  We had the entire cast of Alice & Wonderland; Alice, Queen of Hearts, White Queen, Mad Hatter, March Hare, Caterpillar,Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber (my lovely husband was the Dumber of the two, but it was noticed that atleast he knew how to spell his name correctly) and myself, the Cheshire Cat. =)  That's my big Cheshire smile. I would love to show you a picture of the whole group, but there are a few kiddos in the pic that I can't post due to them being in foster care.  But I can tell you, we all looked awesome!! 



My beautiful White Queen and our Princess Kyrsta




Alice, Queen of Hearts, and White Queen



The picture says it all...

My Cheshire Cat with the cutest tail-holder around

And some of you may not know, but there were FOUR babies all born within a few weeks/months of eachother a couple years ago, including my Asher-dasher.  Asher is the oldest of them all, but by far the smallest.  But we thought it would be super cute if the babies dressed up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  And so turtles they were! 

turtles bobbing for apples

My Michelangelo

It was a great night, and we ran out of candy by about 7:30ish and ended up having to hand out my kids own candy loot.  Shh, they don't know. Nor do they know that I've had a snickers from their bags every night after they've fallen asleep. Muahahaha. Which reminds me..I'm due for a run. Darn you Snickers, why are you so tasty.

So, what was the coolest thing you saw someone doing/handing out while you trick-or-treated with your kids?  I'd really love to know!



I still smell like onions... but it's the aroma of accomplishment!

About 3 weeks ago I was reading a friends post on Facebook about how she had cooked 1 months worth of meals in a day.  Naturally, it caught my eye and I started asking questions and snooping around on her page some more.  She had used a website that breaks it all down in multiple steps and does most of the hard work for you. http://onceamonthmom.com/

I read, then kinda forgot about it.  Then continued with juggling my life of mother, wife, vinyl sign professional, taxi driver, laundress, grocery shopper, poop cleaner, homework corrector, dish-washer, dog groomer, novice runner, and all the other hats that the world has me putting on at a moments notice.  I must admit that I do have plenty of help with these things, especially my husband.  He makes one cute stay-at-home daddy.  I think he needs one of those frilly aprons to polish off the look though.

So after another good, but busy week, I remembered that website and decided to take it a little more seriously.  I realized that on this site, they had it set up for 2 people to do the the cooking together.  They had a grocery list already written out, and step-by-step instructions on what recipe to cook and in what order to make it the most efficient.  The other thing that I appreciated was that the recipes for each month correlate to what is usually in season at that time and/or what is probably on sale. 

So I called my friend up and talked it up and manipulated convinced her to do it with me.  I agreed to do all the shopping and she did all the organizing and printing of recipes and labels (they even have labels ready to print out to put on your finished meals with cooking instructions).  It took me two shopping trips to get everything.  My first was a ginormous WinCo trip that lasted a few hours.  And while their prices were cheap, I had forgotten until the end that I was the one responsible for bagging the couple hundred pounds of canned stuff I had bought.  =)  I appreciate cashiers.

The night before D day, the instructions suggested that we chop up most of our vegetables.  I chose to give my prego friend a break and took on the job of chopping up the 30 onions.  But I had a terrible cold, and about 5 or so in, I couldn't see, and my nose was flooding.  My amazing husband came to the rescue and finished the job.  Everyone in the house was in tears though, and I thought it was kinda funny. 

We decided that D day should start bright and early.  And it did! We started cooking at exactly 8:30 that morning.  And with just a couple of food breaks, and kid breaks, we cooked all through the day, and finished right around 8:30 that night.  That included clean-up too.  But in the end, we each had close to 22 (we chose to not do a couple recipes and I think they assume you wont be eating at home every single night of the month) meals to put in our freezers. And as for cost, I think it equaled about $8/meal.  And it should be less, as this time we had to buy a lot of essentials that we will be able to continue to reuse for quite a few months.  Considering we are both feeding families of 5 and 6 people, I think that's pretty good!



It's been about 2 weeks now, and I truly feel that I can still smell onion in some of my clothes, but I haven't cooked once.  And even though some of the meals haven't been my absolute favorite, I still said that it tasted great, because I didn't have to cook that night!

 And the best part?  I have more time to wear some more enjoyable hats; available friend, kid cuddler, family story-time reader, adoring wife, relaxing mommy.  So I may smell like onions, but I think it's worth it if I can stop and smell the roses.

This doesn't show the entire fridge filled to the brim

Starting bright and early

Cutting up pork-butt.  It was late and I was getting a little tired!



13.1 and Stranger Puke

TJ and I ran our 3rd half marathon this last Sunday.  It was a big day for a lot of the people as it was 10/10/10 and many of them were running a 10k.  They said that 800 more people signed up for the race the night before, making it quite the large shin-dig. 

But we weren't there for the 10k (6.21 miles).  We were there for the 13.1 miles.  So off we went.  We were the very last people to cross the start, as I HAD to use the Honey Bucket.  No biggie, we bolted through the crowds of runners and got to our comfortable spot.  And there we stayed for the long haul.

It's funny the things that I associate with running now.  Like Stranger Puke.  Yep, it's what you see on the side of the race trail.  Puke.  Someone's you don't know.  It's just a fact of the run.  Some because they ate too much that morning, some because they drank too much the night before, some, because they just think it's the cool thing to do on a long run.  Honestly, I don't know. It's Stranger Puke.  I'll never know it's owner.  But you see it, and run on.

We didn't finish this race with our best time.  It was hard.  No. It was a BEAST.  I remember repeating that over and over in my head around miles 7-9.  I knew we were gonna hit Doomsday at around mile 9, but I didn't realize there were like 4 mini Doomsdays before that.  It was killer.  But we did it.  And I didn't leave any Stranger Puke of my own.  So if nothing else, that's something.

I can say that I'm a little burnt out with the 1/2 marathon.  I want to keep doing races, but I think I would like to mix it up a little more next season.  Maybe more 5ks that test my speed, some 10ks to test my endurance, and then maybe...do I even say it....maybe, I'll do a full marathon.  Ugh.  I said it.  And I swore to TJ I would never want to do one.  But I've found I'm actually a pretty decent runner.  I'm not the fastest, but I'm also not the slowest, and seeing the improvement in yourself is really encouraging.  I know I can do a 1/2.  But can I do a full?  I don't know.  I'll take the winter to feel it out.  No decisions have to me made right away.

But now it's on to the "off" season, I guess.  No more plans to race, but the desire to keep on running.  I will have to get to know my treadmil a little more.  Anyone want to join me?

"My mom can vinyl better than your mom!"...

 

...Not exactly what I thought my kids could potentially be saying on the playground.  Vinyl.  It's really kind of a weird word.  Vinyl...Viiinylll.  seriously.  Who comes up with these names?  I'd like to know.  That would be a cool job.

But seriously.  If you would have asked me 5 years ago what I would be doing in 5 years, I would probably have said that I would be pregnant with our second kid (ahhahaHAHAHAahaha, oh sorry, back to what I was saying), having just finished up my masters degree in counseling a few years before, and then probably planning on moving somewhere foreign and crazy to raise our children among the poor and needy.  Heh. Isn't that so sweet?

Someone just today asked me if I wanted to hear their plan for their life.  I laughed and said "YES! Tell me! Cause then I'm going to love to see what ACTUALLY happens!" =) Not that planning isn't good.  And that plans don't come true.  I just never never ever ever realized that life changes plans, and that plans don't necessarily change life.  I didn't know then.  I know now!

But I'm getting all sidetracked to what I really wanted to tell you about.  When that whole "life" thing happened and we moved down to Utah, I learned about this really up-and-coming craft called vinyl lettering.  It was EVERYwere down there.  Everyone was doing it.  And I wanted in.  I knew people loved it, and it was a pretty simple concept, and I didn't like having to call someone to place an order (I'm kinda strong-headed like that. Bet that's news to you.).  I wanted to do it myself, darn it!

So with a lot of research, and a lot of sweet talking to my daddy (enter eyelash batting here), I eventually was able to obtain a machine that opened up an entire new world of possibilities for me.  I joined a forum ( a WHAT?) and asked questions.  lots of them.  and started learning about how my machine worked to turn huge sheets of thin colored sticky plastic into amazing works of sticky art.  I've been in love ever since.

This is a world I never would have imagined  for myself.   But it has been great!  I have been able to continue to stay at home with my babies, but I also have a fun, creative outlet that sometimes even brings in a little extra $$.  I've learned crazy nerdy computer things that most people don't understand, like when I ask people if they have an .eps file or a vectorized image, or learning to node-edit, etc (unless you're one of those freaks who spends all of their time at the new apple store here in Spokane...which come to think of it, many of my friends are...) 

My kids love it cause they always have the cool gift at a birthday party, or the perfect suck-up gift for their teachers, and their rooms can be whatever dream-land they want (actually, I told them that, but then neglected to actually finish it, cause well, I didn't do it yet! =P ) Alexis has already told me several times that she wants to help me do my vinyl business when she's older (as well as be a baby nurse and a the first 6ft-tall professional gymnast). And Kyrsta is always right under me while I'm doing my work "helping me" pick off pieces and holding my tools for me, and constantly telling me "Mommy, you good at vinyl!".  

The thing I like the most is that my kids are seeing me do something that I enjoy, that is positive, and rewarding for me.  That their mom isn't "just" a stay-at-home mom.  She's someone they look up to and inspire to be like.  Gets me all goosebumpily (just created a word right there).  So bottom line; vinyl = me as a better mommy.   Thanks vinyl!

Do you have a "thing" in your life that wasn't apart of your original plan that you love?  I'd love to know!



This one's for you, Jess!

I had the chance to meet up with one of my good friends from high school last weekend while I was in the Tri-cities.  At one point she told me that she loves reading my blog, but that I've really been slacking on putting up new posts lately.  She is super right!  But my response to her was something along the lines of: I want to be real and I'm not sure if people want to hear that life is tough right now.   

But after I went home and thought about that, I realized that I've really been neglecting to see a lot of the good stuff too.  And that the other stuff, is well, just life!

So since it has been so long since I last wrote, this will probably be more of an update post, but my hope is that after that, I can actually write more topic based posts. I think those are way more fun to read and write anyway!

TJ is still looking for work here in Spokane.  I continue to do my best to support him as he does all he can to follow God and wait for the right opportunity to come around.  And to be patient.  I'm the opposite of patient. Can we say Utah? =)

I'm really enjoying spending some more one-on-one time with Kyrsta and Asher now that the big kids are in school again.  Usually Kyrsta has too many stars in her eyes following Alexis around to want to play with Mommy and Daddy.  Now that Lex is in school, we're pretty cool again.  I think she's pretty cool too.  And that Asher-man.... He's a riot.  His pictures speak a thousand words!
TJ and I are still running.  We just completed our 2nd half marathon last weekend in Richland and had a great time!  The weather was in the 70's and the run was beautiful.  We were able to run this half marathon 18 minutes faster then the 1st one we ran back in May!  It felt great!  But the best part was seeing my parents and kids waiting for us at the finish line.  I loved that.

And our Kaleo community continues to be the glue that keeps our family going here.  They are our true Spokane family.  We love that our relationships with these people are so genuine.  They are real people, going through real life, just like us.  They care.  And we care about them, immensely.  We are so thankful that we have them to go through life with.  I couldn't imagine it any other way.  Could you?

Running: My New Baby.

I <3 running.  Like, A LOT.  Call it crazy, call it a passion, call it whatever you want, but it's mine.  Me, my shoes, my cute running skirts, my water bottle filled with the latest electrolyte drink and the open road... pure bliss!

But that's the awesome thing about running.  ANYone can be a runner.  You don't have to be fast, you don't have to run super far,  you don't even have to do a million races, you just have to do it.  And for some reason, I do it. I wondered for awhile if I would stick with it.  Thanks to my crazy husband who has always had a love of running, he pushed me past the days where it was a chore, and somewhere created in me a habit.   One that I now wake up for all on my own, get dressed, get the kids ready, and run out the door.  Actually it started with a conversation like this:

TJ "I'm going for a run"
Me (in my usual sarcasm)"Again?  I'm glad you get all this time to work out while I stay home with the kids..."
TJ "Fine. Then come with me."
Me "I can't keep up with you"
TJ "I'll run with you, promise.  It would be more fun with you anyway."

Isn't he sweet?  And he has stuck to that.  It's been about 6 months, and if we run together, he has yet to leave my side, even though I know for a fact he could run about 2 mintues per mile faster than me.  I love my stinker of a husband. =)

How do you go on regular run when you have 4 children at home though?  Well, that's a silly question!!! While pushing a double stroller for the two little kids while the two big kids follow along on their bikes!  =)  Actually, we really are quite the scene on the trails.  We get lots of smiles and confused looks.  Nothing out of the normal though, right?

I tried to find something to wear to a wedding this weekend, I realized I had nothing.  I've spent all my extra money these days on buying running gear, and in the meantime all my clothes in my closet no longer fit me.  I know, boo-hoo me, right?  Can I just say once again, I love running.  <3

So if you wonder how this crazy momma of 4 handles the days of chaos and craziness, know she does it by lacing up, pounding some pavement, then coming home to wrap my kids in a sweaty hug. 

Want to know how to get started?  Ask me! Or look at 99.9% of the blogs I follow.  They are all running blogs.  It helps me feel like part of the "in" crowd, not to mention they are full of knowledge, and TONS of cool giveaways for free running gear. 

Have a great one!  TJ and I are going to be out spending our 5th anniversary hiking, and going to Silverwood the next few days!

Jamie

Going to the Dogs

When I mentioned that I would explain more about our addition to the Ewen 6, I didn't realize that people would automatically assume it meant another human.  I guess people just think TJ and I breed like stray dogs, so another kid would only make sense.  Sorry. NO MORE CHILDREN.  Just a stinky, shedding, drooling, pooping dog.

I know what youre thinking now though, "Um, didn't her husband just lose his job? Don't they know dogs cost $$$? And don't they realize that dogs are a lot of work? I think it may be time for an intervention.". And ya know what, I totally get that, and if I was on the outside looking in, that's exactly what I would think too.  But let me tell you, there's a reason.  And a good one.

Now at this point I'd like to put all joking aside and tell all those who may read this, that I would like to share some information with you that is a little more on the personal side of my family.  My hope with this blog was that I could be really honest with my life, not just because I can, but in hopes of informing others, engaging with others, and maybe even getting support from others.

So to begin, we need to go back to about a year ago when we adopted these beautiful children.  It has been almost a year (wow, that went fast) and we are still having some bonding/attachment issues.  It is one of those things that as a bio parent, you just take for granted.  I never had to work at it with my little ones; from the day I gave birth to them we were stuck together like flies to dog poop (sorry, I couldn't help myself).  But with older children, especially those who have experienced trauma, man, let me tell you, it is rough stuff. And it is not by any means all on them.  But they are so good at pushing you (the parent) away that you can let them and a not very good cycle begins.

BUT we love our children, and we do not, I repeat, DO NOT want to  fall into that cycle any longer than we already have.  And so with the counselors advice, we are getting a dog.... if we can ever find the right one....  A dog that can handle the Ewen 6 is one we have yet to meet! =)

What can a dog do for our kids you may be asking?  Well, with kiddos that have a hard time bonding/attaching to others (their parents mainly) an animal can be a very good way of creating a safe place for the child to show and recieve trust and therefore learn some bonding and attaching and MAYBE learn to do so with us.  That is the hope, and the continued prayer.

My mom believes that my real reason for getting a dog is so I can take it running to scare off creepy stalker guys.  Is it wierd that the first day we started talking about getting a dog was honestly that same day as creepy stalker guy?  hmm...why do mom's always think they know everything???    =)

So, what are we up to these days?

Since it has basically been 2 months since I last wrote a post, one can only assume we must have done something exciting, right?  Well lets do a quick recap of what we have been up to:

• Summer break started last month for big kids
• TJ had his last day at work and has been home since looking for a new one (keep praying for him!)
• I started working at a coffee stand a few days a week
• found Asher on top of my dinning room table covered in hot pink nail polish and almost cried, then laughed...
• went camping/fishing with my parents and brought back half of Lake Roosevelts pop of Walleye
• did 500 loads of laundry
• began war with a gopher who ate ALL of the carrots in garden
• going on lots of runs to get ready for a couple of half marathons coming up in Sept and Oct
• got stalked by a creepy guy on a run and had to call the cops
• baught a treadmill
• did 200 loads of dishes
• had to get a root canal on a root canal
• went camping again with our Kaleo church family and loved every second
• came home and did 900 more loads of laundry and still counting
• decided to bring a dog home for a "trial run"
• just realize we really do have a dog in our house..oye...at least she's cute!
• did I write take a nap anywhere up there?

So, this is my condensed version of what we have been up to this summer.  We are having a blast, loving having the whole family home, and yes, even decided to extend the Ewen 6 a little (more on that later).  I feel as though we are in the middle of one of the best summers to date!  Crazy that a little chaos and unexpectedness can in turn reveal blessings and great joy!

The Next Ewen 6 Expedition Begins

My mind still hasn't completely figured out how to process the last 7 days.  There really are no explanations, therefore I have yet to figure out a good definition, but it sure is the next Ewen 6 Expedition...

It all started with a wonderful weekend.  I was able to get away and spend an amazing weekend on Newman lake with the women from my church.  Then TJ and I topped it all off with running our very first 1/2 marathon together.  It was such a great experience and we plan on doing another this fall, if not sooner!
And then, it hit.  TJ was called in at work where he was told that he and 30 others were being laid off.  SAY WHAT!?!?!? (didn't expect that did you? Well, neither did we!)

So TJ's last day of work will be in Mid June, and after that....well, we really have no idea.  What we do know:  God love us and will take care of us.  And already He has.  From the moment the news came out, our friends and family flooded to our side with offers to lay down all they had, for whatever we may need.  Not a single question asked, just love.
I believe the Apostles in Acts are an amazing example of this type of love my family is experiencing:

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need."  Acts 4:32-34

We are blessed to be in community among those who are so like minded.  And this is not at all limited to those who are in my church; this is also neighbors, family, friends near and far, and familiar shop owners.  While the future is unsure, we know it is bright and full of anything and everything we will need.  We will NOT go wanting.  We have no fears of this.  How much I wish the whole world knew that kind of love.

Even when my tooth began to throb the day after "the news" and we discovered a root canal and crown were in order, we were humbled by generosity and God's perfect timing.  Thank goodness it happened now while we still have a few more weeks of insurance, right!?

Am I upset about anything? YES! My husband put his everything into his work and getting that job.  My heart breaks for him to have to lose it.  Do I want to collect unemployment and food stamps and all that? Nope!  But I will.  I pray I will become more humble.
We have no idea what job TJ will find or how long until we find the one that will support our 4 children.  I pray I will become more trusting.
I pray I become less selfish.
I pray I become more thankful.
I pray others will see God's presence in our life.

Thank you to all who love us and have invested in our lives.  Know we will lay down our lives for you, too.

The Ewen 6

There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe...

While I might not be old, and I don't think I live in a Shoe (despite what the smells might try to suggest), I can't help but think of this little old lady when I look out on my front lawn and see things like this...

This is a VERY typical after-school, Ewen home experience.  And that picture doesn't include the children who walked over to my house without a bike.  I love it most days, I want to pull my hair out others, and I find that saying things like, "I'm not the neighborhood Snack Machine!" is becoming a little too normal.  I think it's pretty cool though, that my children have the opportunity to have lots of fun with the other kids in the neighborhood on a regular basis.  I like that I know they are safe in my home, and when they aren't here, that the other parents are loving my kids the same way.  The difference between me and that crazy little old lady... I get to tell all those bikes to "go home" eventually! =) I know they'll be back tomorrow though! And I love it.

CELEBRATE!

This week marks a monumental occurance; TJ was not only able to switch to day shifts, but for the next four months, he also has off EVERY weekend and EVERY Monday AND every other Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm not sure if anyone else will realize how amazing this is, but let me just tell you, IT IS AMAZING!!!!!!  Ever since TJ and I have been together, over 5 years now, we have never had a regular work schedule.  He's never had weekends off, he's never worked a normal morning-evening shift, and honestly, we have never really cared too much.  But now we have this super cute "little" family, and we miss him, a lot.  His night shift work may mean that he is home, but he is in bed.  The poor guys has to sleep some time! And on his days off, my big kiddos are still in school, so they never have a full day to see their dad.  There is litterally only a few hours a week where all of us are together.  But this has been so normal that it we have all just learned to adapt and be happy with the way things are.  As you know though, weekends are hard for me sometimes.  When everyone else is with their families, I am at home by myself trying to keep four kids happy.  And I'm sure my kids would love to go do fun stuff on their days off from school, but it really just isn't possible for me to do all by myself.  BUT....TJ IS HOME!
I just can't wait for this summer.  We can invite people over, we can plan weekend camping trips (we already have a few on the calendar, anyone else want to join??), visit family, and PLAY.  Sweet sweetness.  I know these four months will eventually come to an end, but I'm not going to focus on that right now.  I'm just going to love the moments we have and are going to be able to create.  I hope Spokane is ready for the Ewen's....ALL of them! =) 

My bad...

Because my life sometimes looks different from others, I feel like the negatives are often times more outwardly visible then the positives.  And then after my last post, I can see why people would be a little "concerned" about my sanity and my choices.  I'm feeling a little bad about that.  I think that's why I haven't come up with a post since then.  While I know it's funny, it really is only a small piece to my life.  Mothering my children has brought more joy, more laughter, more happiness then anything I have ever experienced.  Sometimes I hide behind my sarcasm to help people relate who I fear otherwise wouldn't understand.  But what if, instead, my sarcastic remarks are scaring people away from possibly making the choice to be different, therefore, bringing unending JOY into their lives?  Forgive me, please.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or even think that I'm doing something that they could never do.  This is not true.  The old saying truly goes here, "If I can do it, ANYone can do it!" ALL of my children are blessings.  ALL of my children are amazing.  ALL of my children bring me great happiness and peace.  ALL of my children allow me to love my life.  I know this life is not for everyone.  Some days, I feel it isn't for me too!  But I think I would say that no matter what life I had entered into.  Man, life is hard.  But it sure is beautiful.

Morning

This is straight from my personal journal this morning.  Thought you'd all like to know, that, well, I'm not exactly a morning person.  And sometimes I like to whine...

4/10/10
8:30 am
Saturday...

Some mornings are just hard for me.  This morning is one of them. I don't think I've smiled yet. 7am every morning doesn't seem like it should be too bad.  But once, just once I want to see like 8am on the clock and to wake up without a baby screaming as an alarm.  I just wanted quiet and peace this morning.  And I think I finally have some version of that now...but I went almost crazy getting there...
7am-baby screams...Not cries. Not talks. SCREAMS.  With a smile. 3 big kids are sleeping together in the living room.  They thought it would be fun.  All awake.  Drop baby off on couch.  Kyrsta instantly demands breakfast.  Asher is demanding milk.  I demand coffee. Kyrsta wants a waffle. Don't forget peanut butter and messy syrup.  Asher wants one too.  I pull the coffee from the cupboard and then finish waffles. Serve one, serve other.  One is finished, clean, now the other.  Lovely syrup all over table, high chair, baby.  Asher is demanding goldfish.  I demand he waits.  Big kids zoned out on T.V..  Kyrsta is now thirsty.  She needs her precious every-morning chocolate milk.  Every morning she reminds me I must make it warm. (I still haven't smiled). I glance over at my empty coffee pot.  Asher is crying.  He wants a bottle.  We are weaning.  Still crying I put him on couch with zoned out big kids.  Hold on coffee pot, I'm coming!  I walk into kitchen.  I must have unzoned big kids as they are now following me into the kitchen. Argh.  They are hungry.  I'm in their way.  I grab my coffee pot before I get pushed out of the way while they make their breakfast....more messy waffles.  (I'm so not smiling) 10 minutes later. Kitchen is empty. I grab my precious bag of coffee.  It hasn't even been opened yet.  Oh yeah...Find favorite coffee cup.  Ignore the arguing children in living room.  Open coffee.  "Mom, Asher is poopy!".  Put bag of coffee down next to favorite coffee cup.  Do my unfortunate chore.  Wash my hands.  Make coffee, quickly.  Grab 1/2&1/2 from fridge.  It's spoiled.  I so used that yesterday.  Gross.  Resort to using baby's whole milk as creamer.  POOOUUUUUURRRR........ "Mom!".  Ignore. Stir.  Answer 100 ?'s while walking to sit down. Just answer. "Yes. you can go take a bath. No you can't watch anymore T.V.. No you can't play the wii yet. I don't care that your brother was laying on that last, put it away please.  I don't know what we are going to do today. Yes your dad is sleeping.  I don't know if it is going to be a nice day". Sit.
3 kids are currently in the bathtub.  One I convinced that reading would be a good idea (nevermind, I just looked up to see he's upside down on the couch). But it's quiet. Peaceful.  My coffee tastes delicious.  Just saw that I have baby snot all over my sweatshirt. Ignore. Sip. It's going to be a good day.

*No exagerations, this was truly my morning today. lol, but I really did mean it when I said it was going to be a good day today!  And it has, just that Saturdays are always a little difficult.  TJ sleeps all day while I have to figure out how to occupy 4 kids by myself.  It's quiet time right now, and is how I'm able to even sit and type this.  Yes, they are arguing right now. And yes, I'm ignoring it! =)

1,400+ Find New Homes

It feels different now.  I see my neighbors different now.  Our home even seems a little bigger now.  And life is good.  And all from an Easter egg hunt?  Who'd a thunk it.  I had no idea that this would end up changing my entire view on where we live, and the people we live with.  But it's pretty cool...and so here's what I think happened;

A few days ago I finally got some phone calls from people who wanted to help donate candy and eggs for the hunt.  Super cool, right?  Well, then what happens is you do this crazy thing.  Talk.  We talked about our kids, we talked about the car accident that just happened down the street, and we talked about our neighborhood.  And it was somewhere in those moments of conversation that I became invested.  Invested in them, and them in me and us in where we live.  And this kept happening with every person who called. We have something really big in common with one another.  LIFE!  We are all doing it!  And we just happen to be doing it as neighbors.

So this morning I woke up, not knowing what to expect.  We were still a little short on eggs, and for sure short on help hiding.  So I tried not to worry, and as I walked out the door, I saw one of my neighbors walking towards me.  She was coming to help hide!  Yay!  So we drove to the park, and there were two more people with 400 more eggs! Yay!  And then two MORE people showed up! YAY!!!  Then another person with more eggs! YAY!  These people were chosing to take ownership of our neighborhood!  It was so cool!  And of coursee we had a great time talking, and hiding the 1,400 eggs that we ended up with!  I can't forget to mention that my amazing In-laws drove all the way down from the their home near the Canadian boarder this morning just to help out. They are just great!

Then right at about 10:45 the masses started showing up.  With just my two little signs and a couple of flyers on mailboxes, over 70 kids and tons of parents and family came.  It was pretty cool.  Everyone was talking, everyone was happy and of course the kids were way excited.  I was able to meet so many wonderful families.  I'd say that was more than a success!

So now, in the settling dust of running children, I feel as though our community cares a little more about where they live.  It actually makes me feel safer knowing people are taking ownership.  And that's pretty sweet if you ask me!  From Easter eggs?? Sweet.

I <3 My Neighborhood.

Loop Hole!

Muhahaha!  I love moments like these; when your plans get thwarted, only to open up an even better plan than the orginal!  I must admit, I should have thought about this from the beginning, but I didn't. But it still makes me feel like I beat "the man". 

Little did my development managers know, but the same person they told isn't allowed to post flyers on doors, is also the same person who owns her own sign making business!  Yeppers, I can say I own it now since I just got my business license last week! Love Letters custom vinyl lettering & artwork is officially official.  It's a pretty sweet job actually. If you want a business card, let me know. =)

So instead of spending hours of time going door to door to 250 homes, I did what I do best, made a sweet sign and stuck it in my front lawn.  The other great thing is that our house is right next to one of the main entrances into our development so lots of people will be able to see it, I hope.  I just need to make a friend on the other side of the development in like the next day so I can put a sign over there too.

Other then that, it is Sprinig Break as of 3pm today.  We will be going down to the Tri-Cities to spend some time with my family.  The kids are super excited, and I am too.  We haven't been back there for a few months.  I can honestly say that at this time last year having all 4 kids home for a week caused a me a little (some moments, lots of) anxiety.  It was still a time of figuring out how to manage all the different needs going on at the same time. This year, I'm pumped for my big kids to be home!  It's such a cool thing to know I feel that way now.  We've come so far in only one year.  I'm sure we'll all be ready for school to be back in session by the end of the week though. =) 

And here's a picture of my cute Easter Egg Hunt sign (with some black outs to protect the innocent).  Oh, and Kyrsta.  Ha, if only you could see better the outfit she insisted on wearing today; a black jean jumper, blue shirt, and brown pants.  I love my stinkers.

Relational Easter Eggs

A few weeks ago I had an idea.  I thought about putting on a neighborhood Easter egg hunt.  Then, like a good mother hen, I sat on that idea and expected something to hatch.  Or I hoped I'd forget about the fact that this good idea was there...and then I did something that I do, often.  I opened my big mouth.

Once a week I meet with this amazing group of women (Actually, lets be honest real quick.  It isn't usually once a week...but we try!).  We get together, talk about what we are learning through God's Word, discuss the happenings of our lives, the people we are in relations with, and the missions Christ has sent us into within our communities.  This group has changed me.  I've learned that by loving people, Jesus didn't mean to get everyone you can to come to church.  Don't get me wrong, I love my church, and my church family.  However, there's so much more.   It's truly loving, truly engaging, truly living in the opportunities of now.  But often times it does require a lot of verbs.

So this week at our get-together, I simply shared that I had this idea of planning this Easter egg hunt.  My girlfriend Lauren says, "I think that sounds great!  Get on it!".  Thanks, mouth!  Sooo...here I am, making phone calls, buying hundreds of Easter eggs, and trying to figure out how this is supposed to look.  But more importantly ,why I even want to do it.

I live in an area where there are a lot of young families like mine, and also a lot of single parents.  So I have a hard time not wanting to get to know these people in my own neighborhood.  But how do you get to know them in a non-awkward way?  I'm hoping it can start with a few hundred Easter eggs!

I'm already running into a few hang-ups though.  After calling the manager of our development, she informed me that I am not allowed to post flyers on doors, or even go door to door.  But said it would be ok to hang a flyer on the side of the massive multi-mailbox thingies.  Not cool.  I can't even remember the last time I looked at the side of those things to look at a flyer.  Actually, I usually don't even go to the mailbox, my kids do. So now what?  A good idea was mentioned that I could just go down my main street and talk to them about it, and ask them to invite their friends and so on...and just see who shows up?

Next, I don't really feel like just making a big thing that people show up to, do their thing, then leave.  I want everyone to have the opportunity to get involved if they have the ability to.  I would love others to donate eggs, candy, help hide, etc.  The funny thing is though, all the research I've done about egg hunts (yes, there's LOTS of ideas out there) is all about how to just get people in and out.  So I guess I'm gonna have to just try and see!

So why blog about this?  Not because I think I have a great idea....shoot, it could still totally crumble in a million pieces.  But that I was inspired by my friends around me to take hold of an opportunity to love those I am living in community with.  Even if I become friends with just one person out of it, I think it will all be worth it. 

Do you have an opportunity to love those you are living in community with? I'd love to hear ideas or things you may have done. 

Jamie

"Do they ALL belong to you???"

This is the most asked question I get.  Maybe not daily, but atleast a few times every week.  It usually occurs at a grocery store where I have decided to bring all four of the kiddos with me to get some necessities.  It usually starts off with a stare, first to me, then to my oldest daughter (9), then a scan over the others and lay to rest at my one-year-old little man...and then back at me, with a look of pure confusion.  I have learned to laugh, out loud.  I look at them and give them an opportunity to ask.  Several people have given me a look of dissappointment and a shake of the head.  Seriously! It happens.  I know exactly what they are thinking, "Ever heard of BIRTH CONTROL?".  Haha.  I know we are different. I know we don't look "normal".  I know we didn't stop at 2.3.  I know I'm young, but no, I'm not still in high school and yes I have a college degree.  But who cares if I was, who cares if I went to college?  I'm a good mom.  And to me, that is what I want to matter.  Yet my family is judged every day by the fact that we are different.  If they only knew....

TJ and I were married on August 17, 2005.  It was a Wednesday.  It was raining.  It was perfect.  6 months later we were prego with my first born, Kyrsta Grace.  She really is our most precious creation.  She may be a middle child now, but she will forever be our first born.  1 year and a few months later we got a surprise when we found out I was pregnant again.  We were in the middle of moving (once more) from Utah back to Washington for TJ's new job.  We were scared.  We didn't have a home!  So we moved in the basement of my best friends house.  The catch here is that they are foster parents.  And at this time they had 6 children living with them.  So add our family of three and you have 11 people under one roof.  It was fun. =) 
During this time, we grew to know two of the children our friends had living with them.  At this time they were 7 and 5.  They were a handful (well, at least that 5 year old boy sure was!).  We got ourselves a place to live, moved out, and spent the next few months doing our own little family thing.  And then the day came that we found out these two kiddos weren't going to be able to go home to their birth parents, and needed to be adopted.... But I was pregnant!  TJ was working nights.  And um, our little life was comfortable.  Why change that?
We prayed, we talked, and we did.  We decided that we may not have much, but we do have love.  We have a mommy and a daddy.  We have a family.  They had nothing.  Alexis and Tayvin came to live with us 1 month before I delivered our baby boy, Asher J.  And then, about 9 months later we finalized our adoptions of Tayv and Lex, and became The Ewen 6.  I'm still only 26.  TJ is still working nights.  My kids are still a handful at times.  But we are a family.  And we love each other deeply.  So when you see a young mom like me in the grocery store, stare all you want, but think about why they may be different.  It's not always because they don't know about birth control.  It might not be the result of irresponsibility.  It may simply be a an attempt at trying to love.

The First One

So this is my first blog post...  I have thought about this, chewed over what I was going to say, even started to write it, then stopped again.  I have even read up on the "rules" of blogging.  The problem isn't that I want this to be the "perfect" blog, it's that I haven't yet figured out what I want this blog to be.  I'm afraid that if I start, I won't know where to stop.  And where do I start?  My life is so crazy, that I really don't even know what direction to begin in.  But maybe that is the point.  That my life is so EVERYwhere, that I need a place to put it all down, and try to keep it all together, and maybe make some sense of it all....for others as well as myself.  So I'll take a flying leap, not try to be perfect, but to just simply "be".  I'm pretty excited for this, so bear with me.  Oh, and am I allowed to put up more than one post a day? =)