Dirt + A Voice

I haven't written for awhile, and was inspired today while mopping my floors.  I'm realizing it is things like mopping and dishes that are making my feel too distracted from sitting down and writing about the great things going on in our lives here.

Kitch-off-dry. Yep, I was sitting on a diaper...and still am.

You see, we live in an amazing neighborhood, as I have written about several times, but what I  haven't added is that our HOME is not always impressive to me.   So, with that said, here are some of the facts: The 6 of us live in a about 1,000 sq ft with one tiny bathroom.  I have this one room called a kitch-off-dry room.  It is where, in one corner, is my little kitchen, in the other my office (where I am typing now) and directly behind me is my washer/dryer.  I'm washing a load now and trying to type to it's cleaning beat... oh yeah...  I'm constantly worried about getting dryer lint in my food, and food on my computer. Oh, and don't forget my pots and pans that are all in the garage.  =/  As for sleeping arrangements, my tween-ager shares a room with her 4 year-old cheer-leading-princess sister while Dirty 9yr Old Boy shares a room with Dirtier 2yr Old Boy. I share with Dirtiest 27yr Old Boy. =)  Actually, he's more stinky than dirty.  Our living room is also the play room/homework room/diaper changing room/exercise room.  My dining room table holds only our family plus 2, so if we invite you over, don't be offended if you have to sit on the couch. =)

Please don't quit reading, thinking this is a pity-party post.  It's not. I promise this all has an "inspiring" lesson I learned at the end.... But it's how we live, and I think it's important to understand to truly understand US.

We have lived here for 2 years now.  It is the longest I have ever lived in one spot since I left for college.  So in the last two years, we have truly created of home for ourselves.  We make it work, and most days I don't even realize the list of "issues" our home has.  Did I forget to mention up there that my kitchen only has ONE outlet??? Oh, oops, I'm don't complaining, sorry.  My point is, that our home is squishy and has many people in it, so I feel as though I am constantly trying to clean up what looks to me like a terrible mess.  My  floors are always dirty it seems, toys are always being discovered in couch cushions and in random drawers, I wipe up yogurt off the back of the dining room chairs every day and am always putting things back in their "place".

Soaked and happy.

But something happened today while I was mopping.  All of a sudden I heard a voice say "A messy house means life is happening in it.".  Um, yes God? Was that you?  I got all goose-bumpily for a second and stopped mopping to think about what I just heard.  And I realized how correct that statement is.  My home not only proves that life is happening in it, but life is pretty much flying through it! Through the doors, on the beds, under the couches; proof that life is happening here.  And as the mother, I get the job of reliving some of those precious moments: Goldfish on the floor from Asher feeding the dog (I remember trying not to laugh as I told him to stop throwing them); nail polishes and cotton balls on the table from Lex and Kyrsta playing Beauty Shop (my nails are lime green from being one of their customers).  Right now I resisted the urge to discipline Tayvin, Alexis, and Kyrsta as they thought it would be fun to get soaking wet on the trampoline...with all their clothes on = more laundry for me to do! But the smiles on their faces told me "Mom, we're just living life."  Sigh...

-6 piles of toothpaste spit in the sink at night.
-Overflowing bins of shoes at each door.
-Puddles of water on the bathroom floor.
-Books left out from bedtime...
Life. Happening. Here.

Lord, thank you for blessing me with life and giving me ways to be thankful for it, even in the mundane and tiresome tasks.  Help me to take a step back every now and then and remember that a mess made wont last, but the memories it helped create, last a lifetime.

Exactly 1 Year Later

Almost to the day, 1 year ago, my husband was called and told that he was getting laid off.  And for the last year, we have gone through some of the most difficult times of our marriage and family, and some of the most amazing times.  But are you surprised? Isn't that pretty typical of testing situations?  It seems that way to me at least.  I'm grateful for the experience, but I'm also happy to say: it's over.

Yes, today on basically the exact 1 year mark, my husband was called to go back to work at his old job.  I pictured the moment he got a call for a job to be one where I jumped up and down and cried for tears of joy. I didn't.  To be honest, I was mad.  I was ungrateful. I was bitter.  And that was wrong.  All I could think about was that this company laid him off and now, just like that, called him back without the hint of an apology or worry about what the last year has done to us.

My hope was that being unemployed for so long would lead us into something better than where we had left off, not just ending up right back where we were.  I also know how hard this job was on our family with an intense schedule of lots of hours and night shift work as well as the stress of working with prisoners and their families. Ugh. "Here we go again..." was really what I was thinking.

But that is only looking at the negative side of things.  After I had my pity party, TJ and I got a chance to talk with out kids around (we walked to the mailbox and back) and I was able to start seeing things a little more clearly: it's a J.O.B. and a good one.  We will finally have medical/dental/vision again. $$ is a pretty nice deal, right?  We can stay in Spokane for sure now AND we don't even have to move across town or anything. My husband will be doing what he knows he was created to do; work.  And we prayed for God to provide our family with a job, so why should I not rejoice in a prayer answered!  So I will! And I will keep working on my attitude, and I will enjoy my last few weeks of work at the coffee shop before I have to stop. 

Watch out, the Ewen's are back in the game!

2 More Days + Sacrifice

Only 2 more days. 2 more days until we get to go back to our ability to choose. And I think that is what has been so hard about these last few weeks. We know we can have more than just rice and beans to eat. It’s literally just sitting there in the fridge and in the cupboards! But, we chose to eat rice and beans for 31 days, and even though we are all a little done with it, we refuse to give up right now. We will sacrifice a little piece of ourselves until we finish what we started.

I think that the lesson of sacrifice is also another great lesson for our children (and TJ and I) to practice. A huge piece to that lesson is that true sacrifice doesn’t occur until you give more than you can, or really want to. And that it requires turning that noun, into a verb.

As I reflected on this concept of our sacrificing our desires for rice and beans month, it made me think a lot about the parable that Jesus told in the book of Luke chapter 21 verses 1-4:

“As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

I love this tangible way to look at what true sacrifice is. Just because you do something good and big and it blesses someone, or even lots of people, it does not necessarily define it as a sacrifice. But even something as simple as a hug, $5, a phone call, a bag of used clothes, that that could be a sacrifice. It doesn’t mean that both aren’t good, right? But there is just something…well…more “meaty” for both sides when what is done, is done through sacrifice.

If you do something, but it doesn’t cause you to sting, hurt, stretch, burn, cringe, strain, or some other form of uncomfort, then can you really call it sacrifice? But if all it causes is discomfort, then is there really a reason to do it? For it to be a true sacrifice, you must be willing to give something up, for the sake of something else. What are you willing to sacrifice for? Of course our children, and our family. But what about your neighbor? That person you really don’t like? For the hungry? The needy? The young? The old? I’m still learning. And I believe purposeful acts of practicing in sacrifice as a family will continue to grow character in us, and our children to hopefully open their hearts and eyes to choose to sacrifice at more sporadic, important moments in life.

On the same line of thought; I was able to experience our friends adopt 3 children yesterday from foster care.  These parents truly sacrificed their lives to love children that otherwise would have had no home.  It made me reflect on our own adoption day, and the thoughts that TJ and I had about all that we would be giving up by becoming parents to these children.  I can tell you, without a doubt in my heart, that I am so glad I put aside myself and my "wants" and said yes. Because not only are they blessed by being a part of our family,but I am blessed and honored to be able to be their mom.  I have been forever blessed by sacrifice. Therefore, I will choose to do it again.

Rice and beans. Who would of thought that something so simple could be so deep?

A picture from our adoption day. I tear up every time I look at this picture.

R&B Days 4-13: Still Tootin-a-Long

As usual, I've neglected any sort of "regular" blog update.  But I assure you, we are still alive and kickin.  We have not withered away or fallen off the wagon.  Every night we are still enjoying lovely rice and beans for dinner and surprisingly we still are enjoying it!  The kids have had a few nights where they weren't home so they were able to get a nice break (of mostly pizza!).  TJ and I were even able to go out on a date to a Mexican restaurant where my order of rice and beans was cheaper than my drink!  I've only had one night where we went and celebrated a friends birthday with a nice dinner of strogenoff.  It was soo nice to eat some meat and I ate lots.  I still can't imagine what it would be like if we only got to eat meat maybe once a week, if not even that.

We've done a lot of really basic recipes; seasoned black beans and white rice (and always hot sauce of choice) and then a night of just fried rice with no beans at all.   I'm going to experiment with lentils more this week, as they don't have to be soaked (so I've been told?). I can see how as time goes on, we'll probably do more simple meals and do more complex meals just a few times a week 

Everyone has their favorite way to add some heat.

One thing that we've noticed about our dinners, is that even though they are tasty, and we all eat our fill, just a few hours later I find myself hungry again.  And really hungry.  I can just tell that there is something missing in my diet and my body is wanting more.  It's one thing to talk about knowing people around the world need more in their diets, but it's completely different when you physically are experiencing it yourself.  Kinda makes you wake-up to it even that much more.  Cause I don't like that feeling of being hungry, not one little bit.

As we eat dinner we will pull up this site: http://www.eatriceandbeans.com/devotional.html and find toady's specific devotional and talk about it with the whole family.  There is a main concept for each day, including a kids section that makes it really applicable for Alexis and Tayvin to follow and discuss.  GREAT tool.

The people at Lahash who are heading up Rice and Bean Month also just put out a newer video that I think everyone should watch, even if you are not participating.  It does a great job of explaining their purpose and their goal and puts a face to it all.  Go ahead and please take a minute and check it out!  Here it is: http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150421199415153&oid=281247189420&comments

After watching this video, spending time soaking my beans, and eating (many times overcooked) rice for 31 days seems like a privilege, not a sacrifice.

R&B Days 1-3

So I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and guess what I saw?  Rice. Yep, I had rice stuck in my hair.  And obviously I had slept with it that way all night.  As if my rumbling stomach and the ever-growing aroma in our house wasn't enough of a reminder of our current nightly eating habits.

So far we are really enjoying ourselves with our r&b.  Not without a little Ewen-ness thrown in though.  =)  The first night we decided to make a Mexican style rice and just plain pinto beans on the side that we had soaked the night before.  I started the rice and then began boiling the beans and left the kitchen.  At about the time they should have been done (and time to eat!) I realized I was smelling something burning.  That's when I discovered this:

I completely burnt the rice beyond repair.  Then I tried the beans, and they were still hard in the middles!! How could this be so hard? It looked so simple when Kabang did it (http://lahash.blogspot.com/2011/02/cooking-with-kabang.html) so what did I do wrong?  So I made a completely new batch of rice, and added more water to my beans and by the end we had this:



beans, beans, the magical fruit...



And you know what? It was sooo good.  Simple. Satisfying. The kids went back for 3rds!  And I had the leftovers for lunch yesterday (day 2) and today.

Yesterday for dinner I slaved all day.  I soaked butter beans and made this really intricate curry sauce to cook them in.  It ended up looking like this:

Yeah, so I used a bag, so what? =)  Actually it was tasty, but we all agreed that the more simple version the night before was much better.

Tonight we did a simple black bean soup in the crock pot that I got from this recipe; http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Spicy-Slow-Cooker-Black-Bean-Soup/Detail.aspx. And then had some Thai Jasmine rice for a side.  It was a hit.  Pretty spicy, but really yummy.

I loved hearing Tayvin as we prayed tonight, thanking God for rice and bean month so that he can remember other kids around the world who only get to eat things like rice and beans all the time.  He is getting it. He is understanding why we are doing it.  Not just for the fun of it. But for a purpose.  I was a proud parent tonight.  And I'm thankful for rice and beans too.



9 Months + Rice & Beans

So in the past few months of blog silence, the Ewens have just been truckin on.  We have enjoyed snow, lots of family time, and well, a little more family time. =)  We have just entered in to our 9th month with TJ looking for a new job.  Some days are frustrating, as we just still can't totally understand how it could be, considering he fills out handfuls of applications every week.  But we are still holding on to the knowledge that God has us in the place of life for specific reasons, some that we may never actually come to discover.

Though some days seem like hard times are knocking on our door, we easily forget, that even in our state of unemployment, we are better off than probably over 80% of the entire world.  We still choose what we want to eat every night (it may not be going out to eat, but that doesn't stop variety), and more often than not, we eat in our home for the pure pleasure of doing so.  Why? Well, because we can!

About a month ago, a guest speaker came to our church (I was actually gone that day, but TJ was there to hear her) from Portland, OR named Leisha Adams. Leisha spoke about a cause that she is involved in that asks people to eat nothing but rice & beans for the entire month of March.  Their website explains the reason why they ask this of people as follows:

"During March, we are gathering together as a global community to eat simple meals of Rice & Beans. We are doing this for three reasons:

1. Solidarity: To join brothers and sisters around the world with a commonly available dish.
2. Simplicity: To give up on wasteful and excessive consumption for one month.
3. Sharing: To give our savings to kids in East Africa that need help with their nutritional needs."

To read more about this amazing movement go to http://www.eatriceandbeans.com/.

So we decided this would be a great time to teach our kids (mainly our two older kiddos) about world poverty, as well as world unity.  About how we are lucky, and we have the ability to help.  Even in simple ways, like eating rice and beans for a month. I want my children to grow up with a broad awareness of the world around them; in all it's rawness. The beauty, the ugliness, but most importantly, the hope.  The hope that someday it will all be different. And you know what?  It's a great reminder for myself as well.  How quickly we can be consumed by self.  And how simply we can be reminded of something Bigger.

 To kick off our month of rice and beans, we decided to have a "Last Supper" of sorts.  We dressed up nice, lit some candles, and made a yummy dinner and really just enjoyed it.  We thanked God for our ability to choose what we want to eat, and then thanked him that we are never hungry. Then we prayed for those that are.  And that as we eat our rice and beans we will continue to remember to pray for those who are hungry.

The Last Supper.  TJ, are you giving me the finger?

Then we got to work for the next days r&b meal (we are only going to be doing r&b for dinners). I had Alexis join me in prepping the beans for the next night.  She was surprised to learn that most people in the world don't just open a can of beans for a meal.  Nope, they have dry beans that must be washed, measured and soaked overnight first.  It takes a lot of work. I love teaching my kids about work. =)

As we go through this month, I plan to blog about the different meals we make, the lessons we learn, and the gas that is sure to fill our comfy home.... Good thing I'm still allowed to by air freshener for the next 31 days!





Our big bags of really nice rice and our bags of dry beans.



Facing My Fears + Being a Feminist

I did it.  I faced my fears yesterday.  I went running by myself, outside, beyond the borders of my little neighborhood.

If you aren't familiar as to why this is such a big deal, this summer I was on a solo run and a very scary guy (totally stereotypical stalker/napper type) in a truck decided to try to pick me up and totally creep me out on so many levels.  I had to run for my life while yelling for help, call the cops and hide in another strangers car to get a ride home.  It all happened in broad daylight, on a road that I thought was pretty populated and safe.  It is a gravel road, but has quite a few houses on it and I had run on it lots of times before with TJ and the kids.

The super frustrating part about that run was that it was the very first time I had decided to go out and run by myself, without TJ or another partner.  I remember feeling empowered as I started out that day, realizing that in that moment I had truly become a runner.  Not a runners sidekick.  And then Creepy Stalker Guy shows up at mile 3 and TOTALLY deflates all of my self esteem. And worse, totally pissed me off.

There's no way to even count the number of times now that I have had to sit out of a run for a day because there was just no way TJ and I were going to be able to get out together.  Instead, he goes out, and I stay back sitting on the couch with the kids.  I also can't count the laps I've done around my neighborhood.  If any of my neighbors are as nosey as I am, looking out their window all the time, then I'm sure they eye roll when they see me pass by for the third time in 30 minutes.  I eye roll at the thought of it.  I'm BORED!  I want to get out there, run on a new street, be alone.  But I've been terrified.  If that happened on my first run by myself, what else is out there waiting for me?

So yesterday, I was over it. I was tired of being scared, of being angry.  So I told TJ I'm going. I'm going down that road again. Alone. At first I was going to at least take the dog, but he is a 2 month old puppy stuck in a full sized lab.  He didn't make the cut.  So before I changed my mind, I grabbed the pepper spray and my cell phone and ran out the door.

It felt so. freaking. good.  Until mile 3 again.  No Creepy Stalker Guy, just Stupid Farm Dog Looking To Snack On My Heal.  At just about the same spot this dog came running after me.  I grabbed my pepper spray and he kept playing with me, like he was enjoying all this. I sprayed it towards him but he bounced out of the way.  That made me more mad and a little nervous. Every time I would turn around to keep going, he would sneak up on my heals!  He eventually realized who the Alpha was and ran off, but this left me in a state of pure pissedness.

It made me feel weak, helpless, dumb.  Like I couldn't even come back and tell anyone that I had decided to go for a run again on that road without getting the "Well, you should've known better!" look, speech, FB message, whatever it would be.  That everyone would just tell me that it's too dangerous out there for us girls, and just stick to your treadmill.

I'm angry.  I'm angry at centuries of women having to live in fear because they have been told that they are weak, vulnerable, and fragile.  I'm angry that I'm angry that this will never happen to my husband.  I can do barefoot and pregnant, but I want to run outside on a freaking road, and not fear for my life, and not have other people telling me I'm stupid for wanting to.  It shouldn't be a big deal! Ah!

Being a feminist is not what I would usually call myself.  I do recognize the differences in myself allowing me to, in many beautiful ways, need my husband to make up for my female weaknesses.  But on the inside, I am strong, and I feel the world is constantly trying to take that away from me.  So where do I go with all this now?  Well, chill out a little for starters.  Drink a glass of wine, read a good book about women punching Creepy Stalker Guys in the no-nos and birthing multiple children with no drugs while baking cookies.

And  then I'm just going to continue to fight the world and try to be person God has created me to be.  A Woman. Strong. Confident. Aware.  And I will run down that road again.  But I might wear steel-toed shoes, so watch out.