Good + Better + Best

This has, hands down, been the Best. Month. EVER.  I'm sure most of you have seen the FB updates, but what hasn't been told is the story as to how we got to where we are.  God has shown us once again, that He has been in control since the very beginning of the last difficult chapter of our lives, and that without the struggles, we would never have been able to get to this wonderful spot we are in now.  Want to hear it???

So, to begin, I will probably share some information in this that others may believe is personal, maybe even too private to share publicly, but I would really like to share with you ALL the ways God has blessed us, because together, it's almost (well it is, really) too much to believe.

With that, let's start with tax returns.  We found out in March that because of our adoptions, we would be receiving a very large sum of money back from our taxes.  Neither TJ or I had expected it, so we pretty much  just decided that we would not touch any of it, as we still had no idea when TJ would be getting a job.  But then, we got audited.  So no money came and we just kept living off our meager unemployment as we had been doing.  We knew it would come eventually, but didn't count on it.

But then that call came and TJ got his old job back at the local jail.  And life started again.  And our lease to our very small rental was coming to an end (here) but they were going to raise the rent another $100.  Something CRAZY told us to start seeing if we could buy a home.  Buy a home?!?! We were just laid off for a year!!!! But we knew that money was coming and would make a dream of owning a home possibly a reality.

But the money still didn't come.  But we discovered that we got approved for a loan.  But what is amazing here, is that unless TJ had gotten his OLD JOB back, not any other job in the whole entire world, but his OLD JOB, we NEVER would have been approved for a home loan.  Remember one of my last blog posts where I was pretty much P.O.'d that TJ had received his old job back?  Well, if not, you can read it here.  I didn't understand why, after everything, we had to go back to a job that seemed so dark, and left our family aching for TJ to be home with us.  I get it now, God. I get it.

And right around this time of pre-approvals, and home looking, TJ gets a call from a police dept. he had tested with earlier in the year, but they ended up hiring someone else.  This time they asked if he was still interested in a job. Um, YES!  And it just so happens to be in the same town where we were looking for houses.  We knew his current job was stable and therefore wanted to find a home in that area, and closer to where the kids would be going to school and it was right where this new job would be too.

We were still kind of looking at homes, but we still didn't have our tax return money.  =/  TJ still hadn't received an official job offer from the police department. That was actually good though because we knew that if TJ switched jobs, we would likely loose our ability to have a home loan.  But we didn't feel rushed, we just knew things were happening.  We were fine either way, staying in our current place and TJ working at the jail was fine.  It was good, even.  But then we found this amazing house...

It was perfect. There was no other home like it on the market that fit all our needs, and was in our price range.  We decided we would just go ahead and see what happened if we put our offer down.  Out of two offers placed on the same day, ours was chosen.  The homeowners had a chance to meet us at one point before we placed our offer (another story of off-chance) and knew they wanted our family in their home. And with that, we have a HOME!!! A BIG home!!! For my family to grow, be, and love in.  Memories to be made.  A foundation for "us".  It still doesn't feel real.

We went from 1,000 sq/ft to a ginormous 2,600!
1 bathroom to 3 and 3 bedrooms to 5!

And then, just a few days after we moved in to our new home, we got the call we had been waiting for for over a year; TJ you're hired.  WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband was hired as a police officer, his dream job.  A job that before our lay-off, I doubt I ever would have been able to be ok with.  Now, I'm not just ok, I'm thrilled for him. I know this is what he was created to do.   He was able to quit is job at the jail on the exact day before he would be switching to work nigh-shift, for what he guessed would be more than  2 years.  God. Is. Good.

But wait, there's more.  Just a few days after that, TJ came up to me and said that I wasn't going to believe it, but the tax return money showed up in our bank account that morning.  Just like that.  Talk about a crazy week!  It was perfect timing.  Now we are able to start in our new home with this amazing "cushioning" that is needed with being a home-owner (no landlord and maintenance man?!?!).  Also we are able to give back generously, just as we were given to generously during our year of unemployment.  And of course, we allowed ourselves some to use to make our house a "home", like paint the entire upstairs that was a terrible shade of pink. :/   It has been a lot of fun.  I love our house even more now, and I want everyone to come over and share it with us.

We really are currently living the life.  Kids have a whole floor of house all to themselves, and I have some amazing space to breathe.  I even have a room solely dedicated to my office, and another one for my laundry! That means no more kitch-off-dry (again, read about that here)!!! My children are now all walking distance from elem, middle, and, high school.  And we are living in an amazing town where my husband is working in a position that helps make it even better, but it already seems pretty great.

Next, TJ will be leaving in less than 1 week for Police Academy for 5 months.  But I'm not really worried.  I'm more excited for him.  There will definitely be some hard moments of burn-out on the parenting front, but I have some pretty amazing friends and family...  And he will only be a few hours away, so we will see him from time to time, and for sure on holidays.

There you have it.  We are in a place that has FAR exceeded our expectations.  Never did we imagine so much for us. We are so thankful for it, and we never want to forget what we came through to get here.  If we do, then how could we possibly appreciate it the same?  I know that life isn't over for the Ewens, so until the next hardship shows itself, we will allow ourselves to bask in this time of joy and dancing. Come over and dance with us! We have plenty of room! ;)

Dirt + A Voice

I haven't written for awhile, and was inspired today while mopping my floors.  I'm realizing it is things like mopping and dishes that are making my feel too distracted from sitting down and writing about the great things going on in our lives here.

Kitch-off-dry. Yep, I was sitting on a diaper...and still am.

You see, we live in an amazing neighborhood, as I have written about several times, but what I  haven't added is that our HOME is not always impressive to me.   So, with that said, here are some of the facts: The 6 of us live in a about 1,000 sq ft with one tiny bathroom.  I have this one room called a kitch-off-dry room.  It is where, in one corner, is my little kitchen, in the other my office (where I am typing now) and directly behind me is my washer/dryer.  I'm washing a load now and trying to type to it's cleaning beat... oh yeah...  I'm constantly worried about getting dryer lint in my food, and food on my computer. Oh, and don't forget my pots and pans that are all in the garage.  =/  As for sleeping arrangements, my tween-ager shares a room with her 4 year-old cheer-leading-princess sister while Dirty 9yr Old Boy shares a room with Dirtier 2yr Old Boy. I share with Dirtiest 27yr Old Boy. =)  Actually, he's more stinky than dirty.  Our living room is also the play room/homework room/diaper changing room/exercise room.  My dining room table holds only our family plus 2, so if we invite you over, don't be offended if you have to sit on the couch. =)

Please don't quit reading, thinking this is a pity-party post.  It's not. I promise this all has an "inspiring" lesson I learned at the end.... But it's how we live, and I think it's important to understand to truly understand US.

We have lived here for 2 years now.  It is the longest I have ever lived in one spot since I left for college.  So in the last two years, we have truly created of home for ourselves.  We make it work, and most days I don't even realize the list of "issues" our home has.  Did I forget to mention up there that my kitchen only has ONE outlet??? Oh, oops, I'm don't complaining, sorry.  My point is, that our home is squishy and has many people in it, so I feel as though I am constantly trying to clean up what looks to me like a terrible mess.  My  floors are always dirty it seems, toys are always being discovered in couch cushions and in random drawers, I wipe up yogurt off the back of the dining room chairs every day and am always putting things back in their "place".

Soaked and happy.

But something happened today while I was mopping.  All of a sudden I heard a voice say "A messy house means life is happening in it.".  Um, yes God? Was that you?  I got all goose-bumpily for a second and stopped mopping to think about what I just heard.  And I realized how correct that statement is.  My home not only proves that life is happening in it, but life is pretty much flying through it! Through the doors, on the beds, under the couches; proof that life is happening here.  And as the mother, I get the job of reliving some of those precious moments: Goldfish on the floor from Asher feeding the dog (I remember trying not to laugh as I told him to stop throwing them); nail polishes and cotton balls on the table from Lex and Kyrsta playing Beauty Shop (my nails are lime green from being one of their customers).  Right now I resisted the urge to discipline Tayvin, Alexis, and Kyrsta as they thought it would be fun to get soaking wet on the trampoline...with all their clothes on = more laundry for me to do! But the smiles on their faces told me "Mom, we're just living life."  Sigh...

-6 piles of toothpaste spit in the sink at night.
-Overflowing bins of shoes at each door.
-Puddles of water on the bathroom floor.
-Books left out from bedtime...
Life. Happening. Here.

Lord, thank you for blessing me with life and giving me ways to be thankful for it, even in the mundane and tiresome tasks.  Help me to take a step back every now and then and remember that a mess made wont last, but the memories it helped create, last a lifetime.

Exactly 1 Year Later

Almost to the day, 1 year ago, my husband was called and told that he was getting laid off.  And for the last year, we have gone through some of the most difficult times of our marriage and family, and some of the most amazing times.  But are you surprised? Isn't that pretty typical of testing situations?  It seems that way to me at least.  I'm grateful for the experience, but I'm also happy to say: it's over.

Yes, today on basically the exact 1 year mark, my husband was called to go back to work at his old job.  I pictured the moment he got a call for a job to be one where I jumped up and down and cried for tears of joy. I didn't.  To be honest, I was mad.  I was ungrateful. I was bitter.  And that was wrong.  All I could think about was that this company laid him off and now, just like that, called him back without the hint of an apology or worry about what the last year has done to us.

My hope was that being unemployed for so long would lead us into something better than where we had left off, not just ending up right back where we were.  I also know how hard this job was on our family with an intense schedule of lots of hours and night shift work as well as the stress of working with prisoners and their families. Ugh. "Here we go again..." was really what I was thinking.

But that is only looking at the negative side of things.  After I had my pity party, TJ and I got a chance to talk with out kids around (we walked to the mailbox and back) and I was able to start seeing things a little more clearly: it's a J.O.B. and a good one.  We will finally have medical/dental/vision again. $$ is a pretty nice deal, right?  We can stay in Spokane for sure now AND we don't even have to move across town or anything. My husband will be doing what he knows he was created to do; work.  And we prayed for God to provide our family with a job, so why should I not rejoice in a prayer answered!  So I will! And I will keep working on my attitude, and I will enjoy my last few weeks of work at the coffee shop before I have to stop. 

Watch out, the Ewen's are back in the game!

2 More Days + Sacrifice

Only 2 more days. 2 more days until we get to go back to our ability to choose. And I think that is what has been so hard about these last few weeks. We know we can have more than just rice and beans to eat. It’s literally just sitting there in the fridge and in the cupboards! But, we chose to eat rice and beans for 31 days, and even though we are all a little done with it, we refuse to give up right now. We will sacrifice a little piece of ourselves until we finish what we started.

I think that the lesson of sacrifice is also another great lesson for our children (and TJ and I) to practice. A huge piece to that lesson is that true sacrifice doesn’t occur until you give more than you can, or really want to. And that it requires turning that noun, into a verb.

As I reflected on this concept of our sacrificing our desires for rice and beans month, it made me think a lot about the parable that Jesus told in the book of Luke chapter 21 verses 1-4:

“As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

I love this tangible way to look at what true sacrifice is. Just because you do something good and big and it blesses someone, or even lots of people, it does not necessarily define it as a sacrifice. But even something as simple as a hug, $5, a phone call, a bag of used clothes, that that could be a sacrifice. It doesn’t mean that both aren’t good, right? But there is just something…well…more “meaty” for both sides when what is done, is done through sacrifice.

If you do something, but it doesn’t cause you to sting, hurt, stretch, burn, cringe, strain, or some other form of uncomfort, then can you really call it sacrifice? But if all it causes is discomfort, then is there really a reason to do it? For it to be a true sacrifice, you must be willing to give something up, for the sake of something else. What are you willing to sacrifice for? Of course our children, and our family. But what about your neighbor? That person you really don’t like? For the hungry? The needy? The young? The old? I’m still learning. And I believe purposeful acts of practicing in sacrifice as a family will continue to grow character in us, and our children to hopefully open their hearts and eyes to choose to sacrifice at more sporadic, important moments in life.

On the same line of thought; I was able to experience our friends adopt 3 children yesterday from foster care.  These parents truly sacrificed their lives to love children that otherwise would have had no home.  It made me reflect on our own adoption day, and the thoughts that TJ and I had about all that we would be giving up by becoming parents to these children.  I can tell you, without a doubt in my heart, that I am so glad I put aside myself and my "wants" and said yes. Because not only are they blessed by being a part of our family,but I am blessed and honored to be able to be their mom.  I have been forever blessed by sacrifice. Therefore, I will choose to do it again.

Rice and beans. Who would of thought that something so simple could be so deep?

A picture from our adoption day. I tear up every time I look at this picture.

R&B Days 4-13: Still Tootin-a-Long

As usual, I've neglected any sort of "regular" blog update.  But I assure you, we are still alive and kickin.  We have not withered away or fallen off the wagon.  Every night we are still enjoying lovely rice and beans for dinner and surprisingly we still are enjoying it!  The kids have had a few nights where they weren't home so they were able to get a nice break (of mostly pizza!).  TJ and I were even able to go out on a date to a Mexican restaurant where my order of rice and beans was cheaper than my drink!  I've only had one night where we went and celebrated a friends birthday with a nice dinner of strogenoff.  It was soo nice to eat some meat and I ate lots.  I still can't imagine what it would be like if we only got to eat meat maybe once a week, if not even that.

We've done a lot of really basic recipes; seasoned black beans and white rice (and always hot sauce of choice) and then a night of just fried rice with no beans at all.   I'm going to experiment with lentils more this week, as they don't have to be soaked (so I've been told?). I can see how as time goes on, we'll probably do more simple meals and do more complex meals just a few times a week 

Everyone has their favorite way to add some heat.

One thing that we've noticed about our dinners, is that even though they are tasty, and we all eat our fill, just a few hours later I find myself hungry again.  And really hungry.  I can just tell that there is something missing in my diet and my body is wanting more.  It's one thing to talk about knowing people around the world need more in their diets, but it's completely different when you physically are experiencing it yourself.  Kinda makes you wake-up to it even that much more.  Cause I don't like that feeling of being hungry, not one little bit.

As we eat dinner we will pull up this site: http://www.eatriceandbeans.com/devotional.html and find toady's specific devotional and talk about it with the whole family.  There is a main concept for each day, including a kids section that makes it really applicable for Alexis and Tayvin to follow and discuss.  GREAT tool.

The people at Lahash who are heading up Rice and Bean Month also just put out a newer video that I think everyone should watch, even if you are not participating.  It does a great job of explaining their purpose and their goal and puts a face to it all.  Go ahead and please take a minute and check it out!  Here it is: http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=10150421199415153&oid=281247189420&comments

After watching this video, spending time soaking my beans, and eating (many times overcooked) rice for 31 days seems like a privilege, not a sacrifice.

R&B Days 1-3

So I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror, and guess what I saw?  Rice. Yep, I had rice stuck in my hair.  And obviously I had slept with it that way all night.  As if my rumbling stomach and the ever-growing aroma in our house wasn't enough of a reminder of our current nightly eating habits.

So far we are really enjoying ourselves with our r&b.  Not without a little Ewen-ness thrown in though.  =)  The first night we decided to make a Mexican style rice and just plain pinto beans on the side that we had soaked the night before.  I started the rice and then began boiling the beans and left the kitchen.  At about the time they should have been done (and time to eat!) I realized I was smelling something burning.  That's when I discovered this:

I completely burnt the rice beyond repair.  Then I tried the beans, and they were still hard in the middles!! How could this be so hard? It looked so simple when Kabang did it (http://lahash.blogspot.com/2011/02/cooking-with-kabang.html) so what did I do wrong?  So I made a completely new batch of rice, and added more water to my beans and by the end we had this:



beans, beans, the magical fruit...



And you know what? It was sooo good.  Simple. Satisfying. The kids went back for 3rds!  And I had the leftovers for lunch yesterday (day 2) and today.

Yesterday for dinner I slaved all day.  I soaked butter beans and made this really intricate curry sauce to cook them in.  It ended up looking like this:

Yeah, so I used a bag, so what? =)  Actually it was tasty, but we all agreed that the more simple version the night before was much better.

Tonight we did a simple black bean soup in the crock pot that I got from this recipe; http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Spicy-Slow-Cooker-Black-Bean-Soup/Detail.aspx. And then had some Thai Jasmine rice for a side.  It was a hit.  Pretty spicy, but really yummy.

I loved hearing Tayvin as we prayed tonight, thanking God for rice and bean month so that he can remember other kids around the world who only get to eat things like rice and beans all the time.  He is getting it. He is understanding why we are doing it.  Not just for the fun of it. But for a purpose.  I was a proud parent tonight.  And I'm thankful for rice and beans too.



9 Months + Rice & Beans

So in the past few months of blog silence, the Ewens have just been truckin on.  We have enjoyed snow, lots of family time, and well, a little more family time. =)  We have just entered in to our 9th month with TJ looking for a new job.  Some days are frustrating, as we just still can't totally understand how it could be, considering he fills out handfuls of applications every week.  But we are still holding on to the knowledge that God has us in the place of life for specific reasons, some that we may never actually come to discover.

Though some days seem like hard times are knocking on our door, we easily forget, that even in our state of unemployment, we are better off than probably over 80% of the entire world.  We still choose what we want to eat every night (it may not be going out to eat, but that doesn't stop variety), and more often than not, we eat in our home for the pure pleasure of doing so.  Why? Well, because we can!

About a month ago, a guest speaker came to our church (I was actually gone that day, but TJ was there to hear her) from Portland, OR named Leisha Adams. Leisha spoke about a cause that she is involved in that asks people to eat nothing but rice & beans for the entire month of March.  Their website explains the reason why they ask this of people as follows:

"During March, we are gathering together as a global community to eat simple meals of Rice & Beans. We are doing this for three reasons:

1. Solidarity: To join brothers and sisters around the world with a commonly available dish.
2. Simplicity: To give up on wasteful and excessive consumption for one month.
3. Sharing: To give our savings to kids in East Africa that need help with their nutritional needs."

To read more about this amazing movement go to http://www.eatriceandbeans.com/.

So we decided this would be a great time to teach our kids (mainly our two older kiddos) about world poverty, as well as world unity.  About how we are lucky, and we have the ability to help.  Even in simple ways, like eating rice and beans for a month. I want my children to grow up with a broad awareness of the world around them; in all it's rawness. The beauty, the ugliness, but most importantly, the hope.  The hope that someday it will all be different. And you know what?  It's a great reminder for myself as well.  How quickly we can be consumed by self.  And how simply we can be reminded of something Bigger.

 To kick off our month of rice and beans, we decided to have a "Last Supper" of sorts.  We dressed up nice, lit some candles, and made a yummy dinner and really just enjoyed it.  We thanked God for our ability to choose what we want to eat, and then thanked him that we are never hungry. Then we prayed for those that are.  And that as we eat our rice and beans we will continue to remember to pray for those who are hungry.

The Last Supper.  TJ, are you giving me the finger?

Then we got to work for the next days r&b meal (we are only going to be doing r&b for dinners). I had Alexis join me in prepping the beans for the next night.  She was surprised to learn that most people in the world don't just open a can of beans for a meal.  Nope, they have dry beans that must be washed, measured and soaked overnight first.  It takes a lot of work. I love teaching my kids about work. =)

As we go through this month, I plan to blog about the different meals we make, the lessons we learn, and the gas that is sure to fill our comfy home.... Good thing I'm still allowed to by air freshener for the next 31 days!





Our big bags of really nice rice and our bags of dry beans.



Facing My Fears + Being a Feminist

I did it.  I faced my fears yesterday.  I went running by myself, outside, beyond the borders of my little neighborhood.

If you aren't familiar as to why this is such a big deal, this summer I was on a solo run and a very scary guy (totally stereotypical stalker/napper type) in a truck decided to try to pick me up and totally creep me out on so many levels.  I had to run for my life while yelling for help, call the cops and hide in another strangers car to get a ride home.  It all happened in broad daylight, on a road that I thought was pretty populated and safe.  It is a gravel road, but has quite a few houses on it and I had run on it lots of times before with TJ and the kids.

The super frustrating part about that run was that it was the very first time I had decided to go out and run by myself, without TJ or another partner.  I remember feeling empowered as I started out that day, realizing that in that moment I had truly become a runner.  Not a runners sidekick.  And then Creepy Stalker Guy shows up at mile 3 and TOTALLY deflates all of my self esteem. And worse, totally pissed me off.

There's no way to even count the number of times now that I have had to sit out of a run for a day because there was just no way TJ and I were going to be able to get out together.  Instead, he goes out, and I stay back sitting on the couch with the kids.  I also can't count the laps I've done around my neighborhood.  If any of my neighbors are as nosey as I am, looking out their window all the time, then I'm sure they eye roll when they see me pass by for the third time in 30 minutes.  I eye roll at the thought of it.  I'm BORED!  I want to get out there, run on a new street, be alone.  But I've been terrified.  If that happened on my first run by myself, what else is out there waiting for me?

So yesterday, I was over it. I was tired of being scared, of being angry.  So I told TJ I'm going. I'm going down that road again. Alone. At first I was going to at least take the dog, but he is a 2 month old puppy stuck in a full sized lab.  He didn't make the cut.  So before I changed my mind, I grabbed the pepper spray and my cell phone and ran out the door.

It felt so. freaking. good.  Until mile 3 again.  No Creepy Stalker Guy, just Stupid Farm Dog Looking To Snack On My Heal.  At just about the same spot this dog came running after me.  I grabbed my pepper spray and he kept playing with me, like he was enjoying all this. I sprayed it towards him but he bounced out of the way.  That made me more mad and a little nervous. Every time I would turn around to keep going, he would sneak up on my heals!  He eventually realized who the Alpha was and ran off, but this left me in a state of pure pissedness.

It made me feel weak, helpless, dumb.  Like I couldn't even come back and tell anyone that I had decided to go for a run again on that road without getting the "Well, you should've known better!" look, speech, FB message, whatever it would be.  That everyone would just tell me that it's too dangerous out there for us girls, and just stick to your treadmill.

I'm angry.  I'm angry at centuries of women having to live in fear because they have been told that they are weak, vulnerable, and fragile.  I'm angry that I'm angry that this will never happen to my husband.  I can do barefoot and pregnant, but I want to run outside on a freaking road, and not fear for my life, and not have other people telling me I'm stupid for wanting to.  It shouldn't be a big deal! Ah!

Being a feminist is not what I would usually call myself.  I do recognize the differences in myself allowing me to, in many beautiful ways, need my husband to make up for my female weaknesses.  But on the inside, I am strong, and I feel the world is constantly trying to take that away from me.  So where do I go with all this now?  Well, chill out a little for starters.  Drink a glass of wine, read a good book about women punching Creepy Stalker Guys in the no-nos and birthing multiple children with no drugs while baking cookies.

And  then I'm just going to continue to fight the world and try to be person God has created me to be.  A Woman. Strong. Confident. Aware.  And I will run down that road again.  But I might wear steel-toed shoes, so watch out.

Remembering When...

This week has ended up being quite an emotional one for me.  I've done a lot of looking back and recalling some bittersweet memories.  This week marks two very different life changing events for me and for our family.



Baby Kyrsta Grace born 11/14/06



4 years ago this week, I became a mother for the very first time.  My world of population TJ and Jamie seemed to turn into population Kyrsta (sounds like kEEr-sta) the very instant she entered it.  I. Loved. Her.  And for two years, she was what we lived for.  She was beautiful, and CRAZY intense, and my everything.



I was doing some deep cleaning in a closet this week and stumbled across a framed picture of Kyrsta's ultrasound picture.  I remember looking at that picture while still pregnant with her, dreaming of what she would be like, and what our life would be like once she arrived.  I wondered if she would love being our oldest child, our guinea pig full of mixed signals and untamed love.  I can tell you today, she loves everything we give her.  She loves being loved (her daddy is her favorite).  And we love to love her, still full of mixed signals and crazy untamed love. And she loves NOT being the oldest.

 2 years ago this week, we had two more beautiful babies (6 and 8 year old babies) move in to our home, and start their journey as being our children.  That was such an emotional time.  We couldn't promise them forever yet, and they were confused and losing so much of their past lives.  It makes me want to cry for them when I try to imagine the things that they must have been thinking and feeling that first week they moved into our home.  I'm tearing up now.  I worried that they would be angry with me forever for wanting them, for taking them away from everything they had been finally getting used to in their foster home; and for wanting to adopt them.  And in the beginning, I think they were.  That was hard. Poor babies.  MY poor babies. 

And now we have today.  I celebrate becoming a mother.  I celebrate the life of my Kyrsta Grace. I celebrate the coming of two hurting children into their forever home.  And I mourn the loses of my childrens' past and the things that should have been that never were.

~Lord, I give my children into your hands.  Keep them safe from harm and protect their hearts from this world that will for sure try to hurt them.  Heal the hurts that are already there that I can not take away.  You are the one whom life is worth living for.  I pray they grow to know that.  That you open their hearts, as you did ours, to a life that more then likely will not look they way they think it will, or will want it to.  But in all things, give them great love.  May they say yes to love, always yes.  And may we, as their parents, lead by example. Amen.

Our Halloween Front Yard Carnival Recap:

Last Halloween my friends and I came up with an idea.  We wanted to do something in our neighborhood that was fun, and that would help us get to know our neighbors a little better. We decided to do a front yard carnival and out of all of our neighborhoods, we decided that mine was probably going to have the most trick-or-treaters.  So we put up a little board and used it as a "fishing" for candy booth, did some face painting and handed out hot cocoa and coffee.  Even though it wasn't alot, people were still thrilled and excited to have something different and engaging.  And I actually met a lot of my neighbors that night, with whom I am now friends with, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  Yes, I like making friends with my neighbors. Sorry if you think that's wierd.

And some of my neighbors do think that is wierd.  I could tell that some people thought we were freaks who probably spiked the hot cocoa with Mary Jane, but for the most part people were thrilled to warm up with a nice hot drink while their kids filled their bags with candy at our fishing booth.

This year we decided to do the carnival again.  And we had some of the same.  A few parents wouldn't come past the sidewalk and hurried their excited kids through.  But lots of people remembered us from last year and were excited to see us bigger and better then we were the year before.

This time I put up a sign (yes, I vinyled it) on the main road a few days before to let people know about our carnival.  And then we made a super cool, HUGE fishing booth board (yes, I vinyled that too).  Then we had an apple bobbing station, face painting, blongo ball,  and coffee and apple cider (saved us TONS of time mixing up cocoa, and was still super yum-O), and TONS of our friends to help play games and pass stuff out.

There were over 30 of us hanging out at our house that night.  We polished off two giant crockpots full of chili while we waited for people to join our fun.  We were our own party, which was pretty awesome.

Not a single trick-or-treater showed up til after 6 and we were ready to go by 4!  So while we waited we had plenty of time for pictures.  We had the entire cast of Alice & Wonderland; Alice, Queen of Hearts, White Queen, Mad Hatter, March Hare, Caterpillar,Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber (my lovely husband was the Dumber of the two, but it was noticed that atleast he knew how to spell his name correctly) and myself, the Cheshire Cat. =)  That's my big Cheshire smile. I would love to show you a picture of the whole group, but there are a few kiddos in the pic that I can't post due to them being in foster care.  But I can tell you, we all looked awesome!! 



My beautiful White Queen and our Princess Kyrsta




Alice, Queen of Hearts, and White Queen



The picture says it all...

My Cheshire Cat with the cutest tail-holder around

And some of you may not know, but there were FOUR babies all born within a few weeks/months of eachother a couple years ago, including my Asher-dasher.  Asher is the oldest of them all, but by far the smallest.  But we thought it would be super cute if the babies dressed up as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  And so turtles they were! 

turtles bobbing for apples

My Michelangelo

It was a great night, and we ran out of candy by about 7:30ish and ended up having to hand out my kids own candy loot.  Shh, they don't know. Nor do they know that I've had a snickers from their bags every night after they've fallen asleep. Muahahaha. Which reminds me..I'm due for a run. Darn you Snickers, why are you so tasty.

So, what was the coolest thing you saw someone doing/handing out while you trick-or-treated with your kids?  I'd really love to know!



I still smell like onions... but it's the aroma of accomplishment!

About 3 weeks ago I was reading a friends post on Facebook about how she had cooked 1 months worth of meals in a day.  Naturally, it caught my eye and I started asking questions and snooping around on her page some more.  She had used a website that breaks it all down in multiple steps and does most of the hard work for you. http://onceamonthmom.com/

I read, then kinda forgot about it.  Then continued with juggling my life of mother, wife, vinyl sign professional, taxi driver, laundress, grocery shopper, poop cleaner, homework corrector, dish-washer, dog groomer, novice runner, and all the other hats that the world has me putting on at a moments notice.  I must admit that I do have plenty of help with these things, especially my husband.  He makes one cute stay-at-home daddy.  I think he needs one of those frilly aprons to polish off the look though.

So after another good, but busy week, I remembered that website and decided to take it a little more seriously.  I realized that on this site, they had it set up for 2 people to do the the cooking together.  They had a grocery list already written out, and step-by-step instructions on what recipe to cook and in what order to make it the most efficient.  The other thing that I appreciated was that the recipes for each month correlate to what is usually in season at that time and/or what is probably on sale. 

So I called my friend up and talked it up and manipulated convinced her to do it with me.  I agreed to do all the shopping and she did all the organizing and printing of recipes and labels (they even have labels ready to print out to put on your finished meals with cooking instructions).  It took me two shopping trips to get everything.  My first was a ginormous WinCo trip that lasted a few hours.  And while their prices were cheap, I had forgotten until the end that I was the one responsible for bagging the couple hundred pounds of canned stuff I had bought.  =)  I appreciate cashiers.

The night before D day, the instructions suggested that we chop up most of our vegetables.  I chose to give my prego friend a break and took on the job of chopping up the 30 onions.  But I had a terrible cold, and about 5 or so in, I couldn't see, and my nose was flooding.  My amazing husband came to the rescue and finished the job.  Everyone in the house was in tears though, and I thought it was kinda funny. 

We decided that D day should start bright and early.  And it did! We started cooking at exactly 8:30 that morning.  And with just a couple of food breaks, and kid breaks, we cooked all through the day, and finished right around 8:30 that night.  That included clean-up too.  But in the end, we each had close to 22 (we chose to not do a couple recipes and I think they assume you wont be eating at home every single night of the month) meals to put in our freezers. And as for cost, I think it equaled about $8/meal.  And it should be less, as this time we had to buy a lot of essentials that we will be able to continue to reuse for quite a few months.  Considering we are both feeding families of 5 and 6 people, I think that's pretty good!



It's been about 2 weeks now, and I truly feel that I can still smell onion in some of my clothes, but I haven't cooked once.  And even though some of the meals haven't been my absolute favorite, I still said that it tasted great, because I didn't have to cook that night!

 And the best part?  I have more time to wear some more enjoyable hats; available friend, kid cuddler, family story-time reader, adoring wife, relaxing mommy.  So I may smell like onions, but I think it's worth it if I can stop and smell the roses.

This doesn't show the entire fridge filled to the brim

Starting bright and early

Cutting up pork-butt.  It was late and I was getting a little tired!



13.1 and Stranger Puke

TJ and I ran our 3rd half marathon this last Sunday.  It was a big day for a lot of the people as it was 10/10/10 and many of them were running a 10k.  They said that 800 more people signed up for the race the night before, making it quite the large shin-dig. 

But we weren't there for the 10k (6.21 miles).  We were there for the 13.1 miles.  So off we went.  We were the very last people to cross the start, as I HAD to use the Honey Bucket.  No biggie, we bolted through the crowds of runners and got to our comfortable spot.  And there we stayed for the long haul.

It's funny the things that I associate with running now.  Like Stranger Puke.  Yep, it's what you see on the side of the race trail.  Puke.  Someone's you don't know.  It's just a fact of the run.  Some because they ate too much that morning, some because they drank too much the night before, some, because they just think it's the cool thing to do on a long run.  Honestly, I don't know. It's Stranger Puke.  I'll never know it's owner.  But you see it, and run on.

We didn't finish this race with our best time.  It was hard.  No. It was a BEAST.  I remember repeating that over and over in my head around miles 7-9.  I knew we were gonna hit Doomsday at around mile 9, but I didn't realize there were like 4 mini Doomsdays before that.  It was killer.  But we did it.  And I didn't leave any Stranger Puke of my own.  So if nothing else, that's something.

I can say that I'm a little burnt out with the 1/2 marathon.  I want to keep doing races, but I think I would like to mix it up a little more next season.  Maybe more 5ks that test my speed, some 10ks to test my endurance, and then maybe...do I even say it....maybe, I'll do a full marathon.  Ugh.  I said it.  And I swore to TJ I would never want to do one.  But I've found I'm actually a pretty decent runner.  I'm not the fastest, but I'm also not the slowest, and seeing the improvement in yourself is really encouraging.  I know I can do a 1/2.  But can I do a full?  I don't know.  I'll take the winter to feel it out.  No decisions have to me made right away.

But now it's on to the "off" season, I guess.  No more plans to race, but the desire to keep on running.  I will have to get to know my treadmil a little more.  Anyone want to join me?

"My mom can vinyl better than your mom!"...

 

...Not exactly what I thought my kids could potentially be saying on the playground.  Vinyl.  It's really kind of a weird word.  Vinyl...Viiinylll.  seriously.  Who comes up with these names?  I'd like to know.  That would be a cool job.

But seriously.  If you would have asked me 5 years ago what I would be doing in 5 years, I would probably have said that I would be pregnant with our second kid (ahhahaHAHAHAahaha, oh sorry, back to what I was saying), having just finished up my masters degree in counseling a few years before, and then probably planning on moving somewhere foreign and crazy to raise our children among the poor and needy.  Heh. Isn't that so sweet?

Someone just today asked me if I wanted to hear their plan for their life.  I laughed and said "YES! Tell me! Cause then I'm going to love to see what ACTUALLY happens!" =) Not that planning isn't good.  And that plans don't come true.  I just never never ever ever realized that life changes plans, and that plans don't necessarily change life.  I didn't know then.  I know now!

But I'm getting all sidetracked to what I really wanted to tell you about.  When that whole "life" thing happened and we moved down to Utah, I learned about this really up-and-coming craft called vinyl lettering.  It was EVERYwere down there.  Everyone was doing it.  And I wanted in.  I knew people loved it, and it was a pretty simple concept, and I didn't like having to call someone to place an order (I'm kinda strong-headed like that. Bet that's news to you.).  I wanted to do it myself, darn it!

So with a lot of research, and a lot of sweet talking to my daddy (enter eyelash batting here), I eventually was able to obtain a machine that opened up an entire new world of possibilities for me.  I joined a forum ( a WHAT?) and asked questions.  lots of them.  and started learning about how my machine worked to turn huge sheets of thin colored sticky plastic into amazing works of sticky art.  I've been in love ever since.

This is a world I never would have imagined  for myself.   But it has been great!  I have been able to continue to stay at home with my babies, but I also have a fun, creative outlet that sometimes even brings in a little extra $$.  I've learned crazy nerdy computer things that most people don't understand, like when I ask people if they have an .eps file or a vectorized image, or learning to node-edit, etc (unless you're one of those freaks who spends all of their time at the new apple store here in Spokane...which come to think of it, many of my friends are...) 

My kids love it cause they always have the cool gift at a birthday party, or the perfect suck-up gift for their teachers, and their rooms can be whatever dream-land they want (actually, I told them that, but then neglected to actually finish it, cause well, I didn't do it yet! =P ) Alexis has already told me several times that she wants to help me do my vinyl business when she's older (as well as be a baby nurse and a the first 6ft-tall professional gymnast). And Kyrsta is always right under me while I'm doing my work "helping me" pick off pieces and holding my tools for me, and constantly telling me "Mommy, you good at vinyl!".  

The thing I like the most is that my kids are seeing me do something that I enjoy, that is positive, and rewarding for me.  That their mom isn't "just" a stay-at-home mom.  She's someone they look up to and inspire to be like.  Gets me all goosebumpily (just created a word right there).  So bottom line; vinyl = me as a better mommy.   Thanks vinyl!

Do you have a "thing" in your life that wasn't apart of your original plan that you love?  I'd love to know!



This one's for you, Jess!

I had the chance to meet up with one of my good friends from high school last weekend while I was in the Tri-cities.  At one point she told me that she loves reading my blog, but that I've really been slacking on putting up new posts lately.  She is super right!  But my response to her was something along the lines of: I want to be real and I'm not sure if people want to hear that life is tough right now.   

But after I went home and thought about that, I realized that I've really been neglecting to see a lot of the good stuff too.  And that the other stuff, is well, just life!

So since it has been so long since I last wrote, this will probably be more of an update post, but my hope is that after that, I can actually write more topic based posts. I think those are way more fun to read and write anyway!

TJ is still looking for work here in Spokane.  I continue to do my best to support him as he does all he can to follow God and wait for the right opportunity to come around.  And to be patient.  I'm the opposite of patient. Can we say Utah? =)

I'm really enjoying spending some more one-on-one time with Kyrsta and Asher now that the big kids are in school again.  Usually Kyrsta has too many stars in her eyes following Alexis around to want to play with Mommy and Daddy.  Now that Lex is in school, we're pretty cool again.  I think she's pretty cool too.  And that Asher-man.... He's a riot.  His pictures speak a thousand words!
TJ and I are still running.  We just completed our 2nd half marathon last weekend in Richland and had a great time!  The weather was in the 70's and the run was beautiful.  We were able to run this half marathon 18 minutes faster then the 1st one we ran back in May!  It felt great!  But the best part was seeing my parents and kids waiting for us at the finish line.  I loved that.

And our Kaleo community continues to be the glue that keeps our family going here.  They are our true Spokane family.  We love that our relationships with these people are so genuine.  They are real people, going through real life, just like us.  They care.  And we care about them, immensely.  We are so thankful that we have them to go through life with.  I couldn't imagine it any other way.  Could you?

Running: My New Baby.

I <3 running.  Like, A LOT.  Call it crazy, call it a passion, call it whatever you want, but it's mine.  Me, my shoes, my cute running skirts, my water bottle filled with the latest electrolyte drink and the open road... pure bliss!

But that's the awesome thing about running.  ANYone can be a runner.  You don't have to be fast, you don't have to run super far,  you don't even have to do a million races, you just have to do it.  And for some reason, I do it. I wondered for awhile if I would stick with it.  Thanks to my crazy husband who has always had a love of running, he pushed me past the days where it was a chore, and somewhere created in me a habit.   One that I now wake up for all on my own, get dressed, get the kids ready, and run out the door.  Actually it started with a conversation like this:

TJ "I'm going for a run"
Me (in my usual sarcasm)"Again?  I'm glad you get all this time to work out while I stay home with the kids..."
TJ "Fine. Then come with me."
Me "I can't keep up with you"
TJ "I'll run with you, promise.  It would be more fun with you anyway."

Isn't he sweet?  And he has stuck to that.  It's been about 6 months, and if we run together, he has yet to leave my side, even though I know for a fact he could run about 2 mintues per mile faster than me.  I love my stinker of a husband. =)

How do you go on regular run when you have 4 children at home though?  Well, that's a silly question!!! While pushing a double stroller for the two little kids while the two big kids follow along on their bikes!  =)  Actually, we really are quite the scene on the trails.  We get lots of smiles and confused looks.  Nothing out of the normal though, right?

I tried to find something to wear to a wedding this weekend, I realized I had nothing.  I've spent all my extra money these days on buying running gear, and in the meantime all my clothes in my closet no longer fit me.  I know, boo-hoo me, right?  Can I just say once again, I love running.  <3

So if you wonder how this crazy momma of 4 handles the days of chaos and craziness, know she does it by lacing up, pounding some pavement, then coming home to wrap my kids in a sweaty hug. 

Want to know how to get started?  Ask me! Or look at 99.9% of the blogs I follow.  They are all running blogs.  It helps me feel like part of the "in" crowd, not to mention they are full of knowledge, and TONS of cool giveaways for free running gear. 

Have a great one!  TJ and I are going to be out spending our 5th anniversary hiking, and going to Silverwood the next few days!

Jamie

Going to the Dogs

When I mentioned that I would explain more about our addition to the Ewen 6, I didn't realize that people would automatically assume it meant another human.  I guess people just think TJ and I breed like stray dogs, so another kid would only make sense.  Sorry. NO MORE CHILDREN.  Just a stinky, shedding, drooling, pooping dog.

I know what youre thinking now though, "Um, didn't her husband just lose his job? Don't they know dogs cost $$$? And don't they realize that dogs are a lot of work? I think it may be time for an intervention.". And ya know what, I totally get that, and if I was on the outside looking in, that's exactly what I would think too.  But let me tell you, there's a reason.  And a good one.

Now at this point I'd like to put all joking aside and tell all those who may read this, that I would like to share some information with you that is a little more on the personal side of my family.  My hope with this blog was that I could be really honest with my life, not just because I can, but in hopes of informing others, engaging with others, and maybe even getting support from others.

So to begin, we need to go back to about a year ago when we adopted these beautiful children.  It has been almost a year (wow, that went fast) and we are still having some bonding/attachment issues.  It is one of those things that as a bio parent, you just take for granted.  I never had to work at it with my little ones; from the day I gave birth to them we were stuck together like flies to dog poop (sorry, I couldn't help myself).  But with older children, especially those who have experienced trauma, man, let me tell you, it is rough stuff. And it is not by any means all on them.  But they are so good at pushing you (the parent) away that you can let them and a not very good cycle begins.

BUT we love our children, and we do not, I repeat, DO NOT want to  fall into that cycle any longer than we already have.  And so with the counselors advice, we are getting a dog.... if we can ever find the right one....  A dog that can handle the Ewen 6 is one we have yet to meet! =)

What can a dog do for our kids you may be asking?  Well, with kiddos that have a hard time bonding/attaching to others (their parents mainly) an animal can be a very good way of creating a safe place for the child to show and recieve trust and therefore learn some bonding and attaching and MAYBE learn to do so with us.  That is the hope, and the continued prayer.

My mom believes that my real reason for getting a dog is so I can take it running to scare off creepy stalker guys.  Is it wierd that the first day we started talking about getting a dog was honestly that same day as creepy stalker guy?  hmm...why do mom's always think they know everything???    =)

So, what are we up to these days?

Since it has basically been 2 months since I last wrote a post, one can only assume we must have done something exciting, right?  Well lets do a quick recap of what we have been up to:

• Summer break started last month for big kids
• TJ had his last day at work and has been home since looking for a new one (keep praying for him!)
• I started working at a coffee stand a few days a week
• found Asher on top of my dinning room table covered in hot pink nail polish and almost cried, then laughed...
• went camping/fishing with my parents and brought back half of Lake Roosevelts pop of Walleye
• did 500 loads of laundry
• began war with a gopher who ate ALL of the carrots in garden
• going on lots of runs to get ready for a couple of half marathons coming up in Sept and Oct
• got stalked by a creepy guy on a run and had to call the cops
• baught a treadmill
• did 200 loads of dishes
• had to get a root canal on a root canal
• went camping again with our Kaleo church family and loved every second
• came home and did 900 more loads of laundry and still counting
• decided to bring a dog home for a "trial run"
• just realize we really do have a dog in our house..oye...at least she's cute!
• did I write take a nap anywhere up there?

So, this is my condensed version of what we have been up to this summer.  We are having a blast, loving having the whole family home, and yes, even decided to extend the Ewen 6 a little (more on that later).  I feel as though we are in the middle of one of the best summers to date!  Crazy that a little chaos and unexpectedness can in turn reveal blessings and great joy!

The Next Ewen 6 Expedition Begins

My mind still hasn't completely figured out how to process the last 7 days.  There really are no explanations, therefore I have yet to figure out a good definition, but it sure is the next Ewen 6 Expedition...

It all started with a wonderful weekend.  I was able to get away and spend an amazing weekend on Newman lake with the women from my church.  Then TJ and I topped it all off with running our very first 1/2 marathon together.  It was such a great experience and we plan on doing another this fall, if not sooner!
And then, it hit.  TJ was called in at work where he was told that he and 30 others were being laid off.  SAY WHAT!?!?!? (didn't expect that did you? Well, neither did we!)

So TJ's last day of work will be in Mid June, and after that....well, we really have no idea.  What we do know:  God love us and will take care of us.  And already He has.  From the moment the news came out, our friends and family flooded to our side with offers to lay down all they had, for whatever we may need.  Not a single question asked, just love.
I believe the Apostles in Acts are an amazing example of this type of love my family is experiencing:

"All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need."  Acts 4:32-34

We are blessed to be in community among those who are so like minded.  And this is not at all limited to those who are in my church; this is also neighbors, family, friends near and far, and familiar shop owners.  While the future is unsure, we know it is bright and full of anything and everything we will need.  We will NOT go wanting.  We have no fears of this.  How much I wish the whole world knew that kind of love.

Even when my tooth began to throb the day after "the news" and we discovered a root canal and crown were in order, we were humbled by generosity and God's perfect timing.  Thank goodness it happened now while we still have a few more weeks of insurance, right!?

Am I upset about anything? YES! My husband put his everything into his work and getting that job.  My heart breaks for him to have to lose it.  Do I want to collect unemployment and food stamps and all that? Nope!  But I will.  I pray I will become more humble.
We have no idea what job TJ will find or how long until we find the one that will support our 4 children.  I pray I will become more trusting.
I pray I become less selfish.
I pray I become more thankful.
I pray others will see God's presence in our life.

Thank you to all who love us and have invested in our lives.  Know we will lay down our lives for you, too.

The Ewen 6